Out to Get Me

My husband and I had a very interesting "newlywed" phase of our marriage.  Interrupted by work-ups and a seven month deployment, we were married almost two years before we actually settled into some sort of comfortableness in marriage.  I have many fond memories of our younger years, before kids, really getting to know each other, and learning how to adjust to living together.  Many inside jokes were formed back then that have stuck with us to this day.  There's one day in particular that still makes us laugh every time we have a bad day.  On this day, nothing went right...I can't even recall what exactly went wrong throughout the earlier parts of the day, but as we laid down in bed that night I remember being completely overwhelmed and totally thankful that we had made it through whatever it was that had happened.  I laid my head on my pillow and said the infamous words, "what else could have possibly gone wrong today?"  At that very moment my side of the bed came crashing down and my head slammed into the nightstand.  There was nothing we could do but to look at each other and to start laughing hysterically. 
We go through periods of time in our lives when it feels like everything and anything that could possibly go wrong does.  Sometimes we can laugh about it, and sometimes we can only hopelessly cry out for a reason why.  I'm still working my way through Job and I came across something really interesting.  In Job 10:13-14 Job is speaking about God and the suffering he is going through and says, "But this is what you (God) concealed in your heart, and I know that this was in your mind:  If I sinned, you would be watching me and would not let my offense go unpunished."  In verse 16 he goes on, "If I hold my head high, you stalk me like a lion and again display your awesome power against me.  You bring new witnesses against me, your forces come against me wave upon wave."  I like the wording "wave upon wave"...it brings a vivid picture of waves rolling in and a person standing in the surf  getting knocked over time and time again (at least that's what I see in my head!).  The thing about Job's words is that at this point he is assuming that God is out to get him for some reason he can't understand.  He paints God as a sort of bully who just watches him, waiting for him to screw up so that He can punish him.  Job is so wrapped up in his suffering and the fact that there's no logical (to him) explanation for his suffering that he fails to understand that there's a bigger plan at work here. He can't see a reason so he starts to assume things about God that aren't true;  how often do we do that? 
I know for me, when life starts to become overwhelming, when everything seems to be going wrong, there's that moment that comes when I think "ok God...why me?  What did I do to deserve this?"  I start to assume that life is all about me, that somehow just because I'm a "good girl" I shouldn't have to suffer, and that God should just bring blessing upon blessing instead of hurt upon hurt.  I start to wonder where God is and why He is punishing me.  There such a danger in that way of thinking.  Don't get me wrong, it's a natural human reaction, but the danger comes when we linger in that thought, and when we really start to believe that God is "out to get us".  The reality is that God doesn't have to explain Himself to us;  His plans are so much higher and greater than anything we can comprehend.  If we truly trust Him we need to let go of the feeling that we're being punished, give up trying to find the answer to "why me?", and know that our suffering will be used by God for something greater. 
My story of our bed breaking is a just a silly example of when everything seems to be going against us.  Many good people suffer greatly in this life, and I know that hysterical laughter is not the answer for those people.  Trusting that your suffering is just piece in God's bigger picture, and knowing that He will take care of you through it all, is key to letting go of the wrong assumption that God is out to get you.  God loves us and when we trust in Him, we need to understand that sometimes suffering is sent by Him and sometimes suffering is allowed by Him, but in everything He has a plan.  Though your pain might be great, He hasn't turned His back on you...He's waiting for you to let go of your assumptions and trust Him.  You might not ever understand the "whys" of it, but you can know that it's not for nothing;  God wants to save you, not destroy you.  Just as Job had no idea that his suffering would produce a legacy that we would read about and learn from right now in the year 2012, our suffering can be used by God in ways we can never imagine.  He has big plans for your life whether you can see or not.  In Jeremiah 29:11-13 it says, " 'For I know the plans I have you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."  Seek God, know He's not out to get you;  His plan is for you to have hope and a future...trusting in Him no matter what your circumstances.