No Greater Love

This Memorial Day we decided to hike a nearby trail that leads to a flag on top of a mountain overlooking the ocean.  It is a beautiful, challenging hike and it seemed fitting for the day.  Being a military family, we have a very personal reason for teaching our children about those who pay the ultimate sacrifice for our freedoms.  We try to instill in them the meaning behind honor, courage and commitment.  We teach them John 15:13, "Greater love has no one than this, that a man would lay down his life for his friends."  We teach them to thank the heroes who lay there lives down so that we can live freely in our country. 
A short time ago our family had the opportunity to get to know 39 other families from all over the world.  Each was a military family in their own country;  each were here in the U.S. as students for a year.  What an incredible opportunity it was for us to experience their cultures, their dress, their food, and in some instances their religions.  During that time we became quite good friends with a family from Sri Lanka.  After several months of spending time together, my new Sri Lankan friend did not mince words as she told me just how spoiled I was as an American woman.  While at first I was slightly put off, I have to say that I couldn't disagree with her.  In our country we are incredibly blessed and have so many freedoms that people in other countries only dream of.  If we as Americans truly understood how difficult life is for others in some parts of the world, if we could wrap our heads around what our lives would be like without fresh air, without clean water, and without the ability to make choices for ourselves, we would have a whole different perspective on thankfulness.  My Sri Lankan friend has seen war fought in her country, her children aren't able to play outside due to fear, filth and overcrowding;  she doesn't complain, but she looked at me and saw a woman who takes for granted that which God has blessed me with so abundantly and she called me on it.  I learned a great deal from our time spent with these families;  most of all my eyes were opened to all of the freedoms and richness that I so often don't give thanks for.  We have freedom of choice, freedom of religion, freedom to run and play, to drink what want, eat what we want, and to love how we want.  God has blessed us with His beauty from 'sea to shining sea' and He has graciously allowed us a life of plenty.  Our nation was founded on God, and because our founding fathers trusted in God, our government was set into motion based on biblical principles.  I believe for that reason, God has blessed us greatly, but oh how we have come to take His blessing  for granted. 
Jesus laid down his life so that who ever believes in Him shall be saved.  I love Ephesians 2:9-10, "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this not from yourselves, it is the GIFT of God - not by works, so that no one can boast.  For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
Every day there are American men and women, dads and moms, brothers and sisters, deployed all over the world choosing to lay down there lives, if necessary, so that I can sit here at my computer and write about my faith, freely.  Most don't know me or my family, most don't know you, but all believe in something greater than themselves and all are committed to defending that which God has blessed us with.  What a incredible job God has given these defenders, these heroes.  I hope we don't ever take them for granted and I hope each day we can thank God for their example of love.  I hope we can also thank God for blessing our country immensely and for the free gift He offers us for just believing in His ultimate fulfillment of love...there is none greater. 

Not Like We Planned

Life never seems to go the way we plan.  Every time things appear to be going along as planned, my husband and I look at each other questioningly and say, "surely it can't be this easy...where's the catch?".  We have learned to expect the unexpected;  we have learned that in our lives, in our marriage, God has allowed us to be continually tested.  God knows that we're pretty thick-headed, so He keeps at us and uses some pretty unexpected methods in order to open our eyes and our hearts to Him.  Often times it's a painful process and sometimes it takes us years to walk through, but I hold to the promise in Psalm 30:5 "...weeping may remain for a night, but joy comes in the morning."
Last night we were reminded once again to our plans, even the small, seemingly insignificant ones, never quite go the way we expect.  On Thursday nights during the school year our older boys participate in the AWANA program at our church.  They LOVE it and we love that they are learning God's word in a fun way along with their friends.  We also love, selfishly, the two hours each week that they're there and we just have one child to care for.  It has become our date night of sorts...going out to dinner with one child is so much easy than three!  Each week we go to the same little Mexican restaurant, and we love it because we can sit outside and if Jude gets loud (which an hour before bedtime that tends to happen quite a bit) we're not bothering anyone;  usually we are the only ones out there.  Last night was the last AWANA night before summer break, therefore it was our last Thursday date night before summer.  Due to poor planning on my part, Jude's nap schedule was slightly disrupted and by the time I was able to put him in bed, he decided he wanted no part of it.  To get to the point, Jude didn't end up falling asleep until 4:30 yesterday afternoon.  I had to wake him at 5:45 to get the boys to church;  the screaming started at that point and continued as I dropped the boys off and we headed to our restaurant.  Walking into a crowded restaurant with a less than pleasant child tends to put me on edge;  I don't enjoy listening to crying and I never want to subject innocent restaurant goers to crying either.  We asked to be seated outside and it was just my luck that outside (as well as inside) was packed with people...fantastic.  Determined to make our date night work, we were seated and attempted to strap Jude into his highchair.  The only thing that would make the screaming stop was allowing him to play the bowl of salsa the server had brought to the table, obviously the salsa spilled all over the place.  I took him out of the highchair and did my best to entertain him while we ordered dinner and attempted to at least appear normal.  Our food came and the screaming got louder.  I stood, bounced, sang, pointed out the paintings on the walls.  It worked and I sat down with him in my lap...peace...and then...it was like he erupted.  There was vomit all over me, all over him, all over the floor.  Our date was over.  I headed for the closest exit trying to disguise my vomit covered body by holding his vomit covered body close;  my husband packed up, cleaned up and paid.  As we ate our dinner out Styrofoam take-out containers later last night, it again reminded me that life is so uncertain; it's how we respond to the uncertainty that attests to who we are inside. 
Paul writes in Philippians 4:12-13, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength." 
Have you learned the secret of being content in any and every situation?  When life just doesn't go as planned what is your response?  Look to Him who is more than willing and able to give you the strength to get through the unexpected. 

Dragonflies

I love dragonflies.  At some point in my life I  heard that they represent change.  I have no idea if that's true, but it's something that has stuck with me and they have become my personal symbol for change.  I'm not into new age things;  I have not one tattoo (though I would pick a dragonfly if I were to get one);  I don't believe dragonflies have mythical powers or are in any way supernatural, spiritual beings.  They're just cool.
A few years back we had come to the end of my husband's tour at a particular squadron here in CA.  It was a sad time for me because I had been surrounded by a group of amazing girls and I wasn't ready to say goodbye.  I had one friend in particular with whom I had become very close...we relied on each other, leaned on each other, laughed with each other and cried with each other through 2 1/2 years during which our husbands were away more than they were home.  Even today she is my best girl friend, the one I call when I just need to be me.  Unfortunately, she was staying on the west coast and I was moving east (and when she moved east I moved back west...ahhh, navy life!).  When we said goodbye, I gave her a vase with two dragonflies on it and told her my theory about them symbolizing change;  three years later we each have dragonflies all over our houses...a tradition was started that day and now when I see a priority mail box from Virginia I can hardly wait to see what form of dragonfly is inside!   
Life (especially military life) is full of change;  the beauty in life comes when we learn to embrace that change.  God doesn't make mistakes and every new adventure or twist in the road can be used to glorify Him.  We might have to move 10 times in 11 years (yup...we have!), we might have to say 'until next time' to friends along the way, we might face losing a baby, or come to a place in our marriage we never dreamed we would;  we might soar with the eagles or have to be carried because we're too weak to walk...but through all of the change in our earthly life, God stays the same.  In Deuteronomy 31:6 Moses is speaking to Israel and says "Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord you God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you."  It's cool to me that this promise is repeated again in Hebrews 13:5, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'"  I love when God reinforces a point in the bible;  I don't know about you but sometimes it takes me hearing things more than once before it actual sinks in. 
Change comes everyday; the seasons of our life pass in the blink of an eye.  God has promised to walk through the change with us...to NEVER leave us.  I get excited about that!
I like having a personal symbol of change;  I like being reminding that nothing stays the same for very long.  I like remembering that our journey here is short, and I love knowing that as I change, He stays the same.

Cheap Cover-ups

We rent our house here in California.  It's decent for a rental and it's actually quite perfect for the stage we're at with our kids.  It's one level with three decent size bedrooms and two bathrooms;  it's comfortable but in no way modern or glamorous.  There are a few things I would change about it if I could:  the sliding closet doors have seen better days...they are constantly coming off the tracks, the cheap white paint on the walls shows EVERY dirty little hand print, and I would love to replace the shower door in the master bathroom.  I believe that door is at least 30 years old and it is completely icky;  the caulk is no longer white but rather a not-so-lovely orange/black color, the metal frame is dingy and it's crevices are caked with who knows what.  I have honestly tried to clean it...believe me, I have...but even after it's been cleaned it's just not a pretty sight.  It is livable, but not desirable.  I made a decision yesterday and immediately acted on it; my husband came home last night to find a cute, ruffly little shower curtain hanging up just in front of the ugly shower door.  When he asked me why I had felt the need to have a curtain there I said, "because I like things to be pretty and that shower is just not pretty!". 
This morning as I was getting ready for my day, I considered the shower again.  I thought about how easy the solution to my ugly shower problem was, how one curtain disguised the ickiness that I had been looking at for nearly a year.  The thing about the curtain though is that it doesn't solve the problem;  the curtain is just a cheap cover-up that will get me through our short time here in California.  To really solve the problem the owners of our house will have to invest in updating or replacing the offensive door...or perhaps hire someone with incredible cleaning skills!  
I got to thinking about the shower in terms of my heart.  I thought about the many times I've employed cheap cover-ups  to hide the ugliness I don't want others to know is there. Here's the thing though:  Cheap cover-ups don't last.  Eventually someone will pull the curtain aside and the true you will be exposed.  If you really want to fix the issue it will take some time and most likely some sacrifice on your part.  Remodeling your heart may cost you pride, friendships, or maybe the appearance of "coolness" in the eyes of the world...but I can honestly attest that it's worth it.  The things you may be called to give up pale in comparison to the end result, and all it takes, truly, is for you to ask God to bring about that change in your life.  You just need to ask Him to give you the strength to clean out the filth ...  He is the  Great Cleaner. 
Numbers 32:23 says, "...be sure your sin will find you out".  My mom used to quote this verse to me everyday during my teenage years (sometimes she still does even in my 30's).  There is so much truth in those 8 words;  sin can't be covered with a pretty front...cheap cover-ups don't cut it.  The only thing that will fix the problem is going before God with a willing, open heart and sincerely asking Him to clean you...then and only then will He cover you with His pure, unconditional curtain of love and forgiveness. 
I still like my shower curtain.  I will keep it up for the remainder of our time here;  I like pretty things...who doesn't?  Today though I made a decision and I'm acting on it immediately:  no more cheap cover-ups in my heart.  I'm choosing to be real, to show it all ...mold included... and to daily ask the Great Cleaner to give me the strength to scrub out every icky part. 

My New Beginning

I just dropped my 6 year old off at school.  I had to bake two cakes last night for the school's carnival today.  I had to deliver said cakes this morning...which meant I actually had to get dressed before driving him to school.  I also had to wrangle my 17 month old into some clean clothes and remind my 5 year old 15 times to stay on task and put on something other than Perry the Platypus pajamas.  The dishwasher is running, I have a load of laundry going, Jude is yelling at Micah and I can here the faint muffling of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse in the background.  I have made 3 breakfasts, made 3 beds and found time to make myself some coffee...though I haven't found the time to drink it yet.  It's only 8:30am.  I'm a mom.  I'm busy...though admittedly not as busy as some.  In recent months I have cut down on quite a few activities that filled my time and turned my focus away from my true priorities.  
Eight months ago after several years of teetering on the edge, it became very clear that my marriage was all but over.  In my foggy state of shock, all of the fluff that  had seemed so important  for so long suddenly didn't seem important at all anymore.  Everything faded except God, my husband and my children.  In a matter of two months, my life changed completely; I believe God allows crisis in our lives to bring about needed change.  I believe God wanted me to get back to the essentials, to find peace and purpose in Him, and in the husband and family he gave me.  I couldn't change my husband's heart, I couldn't rewind and start over on a different path, but I could adjust my thinking, my reactions and rely on God to see me through. 
Making decisions is hard.  You go one way, you make one person happy, you go the other way, you make everyone else happy...in the end you have to listen to your own heart and fortunately God lives in mine, so my decisions are His (and His are the best!).  I chose to fight for our marriage; I chose forgiveness and love over anger and fear.  I chose not to walk away when things got tough; I chose to honor the commitment I made to the man I married 11 years ago...for better or for worse. 
 Rebuilding something that has been broken is a process that doesn't happen overnight.  There are many delicate pieces that fit together just so, and many layers to graph back together to make it whole again;  it's slow, but we're getting there. 
I've learned many lessons in the past 8 months...I've learned that love, true love, can honestly overcome anything.  I've learned that God is more than capable of blessing you with overwhelming strength and forgiveness when you stay connected to Him (the key in that is STAYING CONNECTED!).  I've learned not to take my husband for granted; I am learning how to put my agenda aside and how to be the helper God made me to be for him.  I have learned not to nag, not to expect perfection and to appreciate the little things.  I have learned that I need friends and family, but that they are not a substitute for God (their advice is given out of love, but it is often worldly and jaded because of that love).  Ultimately through it all God has been teaching me to be a better Christian...it's as simple as that.  My job is to glorify Him and to be His light in this world and it is by walking through His refining fire that I am able to better do that. 
I have bad days from time to time.  I have days when the darkness seeps through the broken pieces of my heart and threatens to flood every part of me.  I have days when I am disconnected from my Savior and I panic in moments of fear and uncertainty.  On those days, in those moments, my God, my Savior is there waiting to rescue me, but I have to look to Him;  I have to ask Him to bring me back into His light.  I have learned that God is not pushy;  He is ever present, but we have a clear choice to live in His light or skulk in the darkness.  If you have ever truly felt the warmth of His light, the darkness is not an option. 
In Psalm 5:3 David exclaims, "In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation."  I go before God each morning...in the midst of the craziness of school shuttling, breakfasts, fighting, laundry and dishes, I have learned to sit, to lay my requests before God and to wait patiently in expectation for what He is going to do. 
If you haven't given priority to staying connected to God don't wait for a crisis to bring about change...start today!  It's a great day for a new beginning;  shake off everything that really doesn't matter and get back to the essentials.