Raise Your Hand If You're a Hypocrite

I once heard it said that the biggest reason people turn away from Christ is Christians who profess Him with their mouths, but deny Him in their actions;  hypocrisy extinguishes our light, and hinders unbelievers from truly seeing who Christ is.  Are you guilty of it?  I am.  I confess that I have been a hypocrite;  at times, I have allowed my pride, my "reputation", and my desire to fit in and have fun, to mar who I am in Christ.   At times, I have been a horrible example of a Christain, and I have failed in my mission to be a light in the darkness. 
The bible is clear in its teaching on hypocrisy.  In Matthew 6:24 Jesus says, "No one can serve two masters.  Either he will hate one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.  You cannot serve both God and Money."  To me this says that you can't live life on the fence;  just as a servant can't fully serve two different households at the same time, you can't serve God and the world...you have to pick one. 
I've been studying Matthew 24 this morning.  It's a heavy chapter;  talking about  the end times can be daunting especially if your faith is not strong.  This chapter tells us what to look for, it gives us an idea of what is to come, and it warns us to be ready. 

How can we be ready? 

In verses 45-51 Jesus says, "Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom the master has put in charge of the servants in his household to give them their food at the proper time?  It will be good for that servant whose master finds him doing so when he returns.  I tell you the truth, he will put him in charge of all his possessions.  But suppose that servant is wicked and says to himself, 'My master is staying away a long time,' and he then begins to beat his fellow servants and to eat and drink with drunkards.  The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of.  He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."

Let me break it down...God has put us, His children, here to do His work.  He has given us commandments and instructions on how to live.  He has told us to be His light in this world, and He has put us just where we need to be in order to do that.  In the verses above, we are the servant whom the master has put in charge of feeding the other servants;  each of us as believers have a specific job God has given us to do...in everything we are to live for Him.  We don't know when Jesus will return;  we have no idea what day or what hour.  The bible says God is the only one who knows when the end will come;  not even the angels or His Son know (Matthew 24:36).  No one knows when, but do you believe it's coming? 
If you believe Jesus will return, if you have professed him as your savior, and you have given your life to him, you have a choice to make.  It's like this:  you can choose to be a faithful and wise servant who does the work his master asked him to do, or you can choose to be what the bible calls "wicked" and say "I believe in Jesus, but I'm tired of waiting, I'm frustrated and I want to do things my way".  You have that choice because you have free will.  Pay attention though to what verse 51 says about the servant who was living life for himself and whose master surprised him by returning home at an unexpected time, "He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."  Do you get what it's saying?

I struggle with saying certain people will find themselves in hell someday.  I struggle with it not because I don't believe in hell or that there are people that will end up there, but because I refuse to judge anyone.  I am not in any position to say what's inside someone else's heart just as no one can say what's inside mine.  I do believe though, that the condition of a person's heart is reflected in their character, and in the way they choose to live their lives and spend their time.  Heart-business though, is between that person and God...I'm not in the equation.  For me, I just say what the Holy Spirit speaks to me through God's word and here's what I learned this morning:

Hypocrisy is bad.  It has no place in the family of God.  If you profess to know Jesus, live for him.  If you profess to be a child of God, do the work He has given you to do.  Don't go your own way, don't "eat and drink with drunkards" and don't "beat down your fellow servants".  Radiate light, and if you can't...check your heart, recommit yourself to Jesus, ask forgiveness, and ask him to show you the way back to the Father.  Hypocrisy leads to hell; hypocrisy is an outward sign of an inward problem...it signals heart trouble.  Fix it now because we don't know the day or the hour of Christ's return, and I, for one, don't want to be counted among those caught unaware, not doing the work of the master...I don't want to be "assigned a place with the hypocrites".  I don't want to be the reason someone turns from God;  I never want to profess God with my mouth and deny Him by the way I live.  I choose to do the work He has given me to do, and to be ready for what's to come.   What do you choose? 

Move Along

We face decisions every day.  Some decisions are simple:  paper or plastic?  Hotdog or hamburger?  Coffee or tea?  Decisions are a part of just about everything we do.  Some decisions can be fun;  I love choosing different hairstyles:  brown or blonde?  To cut it or to grow it out?  It makes life interesting, and those decisions aren't necessarily life altering;  they're just a matter of preference, and many times, just a matter of what kind of mood I happen to be in that day. 
Some decisions are slightly harder:  do I stay in this relationship or not?  Do I change jobs?  Move?  Things like that... 
Then there are the decisions that if not carefully made can lead you down paths you really don't want to go down.  These are the decisions between right and wrong, good and evil, wisdom and foolishness.  When I put it like that, you might say, "well those would be easy...I pick right, good, and wisdom...duhhh..."  I wish it was that easy;  I wish right, good, and wise choices were always easily recognizable and simple to follow.  The thing is, sometimes they're not;  sometimes my human, worldly nature tells me to make myself happy, or to pay back someone for a wrong done to me, or to follow someone else's lead just because it's the "cool" and accepted way of doing it.  Decisions like these are hard, but critical. 

I've been reading Proverbs 4 today;  if you want to learn about making wise decisions, go to the book written by one of the wisest men who ever lived.  This proverb talks about gaining wisdom and understanding; it talks about holding onto them at all costs.  Verse 7 says, "Wisdom is supreme;  therefore get wisdom.  Though it costs you all you have, get understanding."  This tells me that there's a cost to gaining these things, but the benefits outweigh the cost.  Verses 8 and 9 say of understanding, "Esteem her, and she will exalt you;  embrace her and she will honor you.  She will set a garland of grace on your head and present you with a crown of splendor."  Wow...I feel like it's saying that understanding would make me a princess;  how beautiful does "a garland of grace" sound?  How attractive would I be to others if I was adorned with a "crown of splendor"?  Maybe there's something to this...
Solomon goes on to say that we should hold onto wise instruction, that we should guard the wisdom we have "for it is our life" (verse 13).  Then we come to verse 14 and 15 and this is where I want to zero in, "Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evil men.  Avoid it, do not travel on it;  turn from it and go on your way."  Solomon tells us to stay away from that which we know is wrong;  he says to me, "move along, Amanda...go on your way." 

The sad thing for us today is that there are so many "gray areas" in our society.  There are so many things that have become acceptable that it's sometimes difficult to see that we always have a choice to walk away and do our thing;  "following the crowd" doesn't have to be our only option.  Also, sin is so easily accessible today and so easily hidden that many times we fall prey to it in our weak moments, and it leads to places we never intended to go. 
Proverbs 4:18-19 says, "The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.  But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness;  they do not know what makes them stumble."

 Righteousness sounds beautiful, but what if today you find yourself in the darkness?  What if you chose the wrong path?  Is there a way to get back to the light? 

God can change any situation;  He can rescue you from the deepest darkness, all it takes is a heart willing to see the light. 

Yesterday morning my five year old woke up early and came running into my room.  He starting whimpering and holding his hand over his eyes, "Mommy...I can't see.  I can't open my eyes."  You see, his room was dark, but my room was bright and sunny already.  His eyes were used to the darkness; the instant presence of light hurt them initially.  Slowly though, as his eyes adjusted he was able to see without pain.  When you are used to darkness, the light might hurt initially, but just like Micah couldn't stay in darkness all day long...he had to wake up and open his eyes in the light...you, as a child of God, can't dwell in the darkness indefinitely.  If you seek the light with all of your heart, you will find it;  God will rescue you if you call out to Him.  It may take you a while to get used to the light, but as you do, seek wisdom and understand, guard your heart, keep your feet from evil, and move along...down the path of righteousness.

Sometimes the Truth Hurts

"Mom, how do these pants look?" ...  I asked this to my mother about three months after having my first baby.  I had gained an unsightly amount of weight and was trying so hard to feel normal again.  "Well, they're not the most flattering, and you do still have some weight to lose..."  Ahhh, my mom...  Those of you who have had close relationships with your moms know that when you want an honest answer, she's the one to ask.  Moms like that don't lie;  when your friends tell you that you look great because they don't want to hurt your feelings, your mom is there to set you straight.  I'm not trying to pick on my mom.  I love her, and I love that she has always been a voice of truth in my life.  Not to say I've always listened to her either;  she's my mom, and what fun would life be if I always followed what she said?  Looking back though, I am so grateful that she told it like it was;  if you don't have a mom like that, I hope you have someone in your life that will do that for you.

God has placed people in our lives to speak the truth to our hearts.  I don't mean that God has given us family and friends so that they can tell us when we don't look so hot;  our job is to remind each other of His truth, His word, and His commandments.  We need to gently and loving remind each other of His way when we start to go our own way; we need to tell each other the truth even when it hurts.
I was reminded this morning of how important truth telling is;  I felt again God's tug on my heart to trust Him, and to not be ashamed of speaking His truth.  Often I feel like my faith is my faith, and often I feel like I might burden others by sharing the truth with them.  Going back to the point of wanting to be "cool", I don't want to be the salt in somebody's wound...that's not "cool".  After all, sometimes the truth hurts.  I realized this morning that  just because I think someone might not want to hear what I have to say, it doesn't mean that they don't;  sometimes people are longing for truth and just don't know where to get it.  In Matthew 5:13 Jesus says, "You are the salt of the earth." In Matthew 5:14 He tells me,  "You are the light of the world."  Salt and Light...a truth radiator. 

Whenever I have a sore in my mouth the first thing my dad asks me is , "Have you put salt on it yet?";  when I need to see in the darkness, the first thing I do is look for a light.  Salt heals, and light helps you find your way. 
I was reminded this morning that sometimes the least likely person you would think needs the truth is probably just the person who is looking for it.  If God is tugging at your heart to speak truth, remember Ephesians 4:15, "speak the truth in love".

 My mom loves me completely, and she has always wanted the best for me;  it takes that kind of love to speak the truth even if it might hurt.  God has given us each other to "sharpen" each other (Proverbs 27:17) and to speak truth to each other in love.  If someone needs to hear the truth, be their salt and light; God has placed you in your family or your circle of friends for a reason, listen for His leading and follow in His way.  The moment you let go of your fear, He will begin to use you for His purpose. 

For my friend who saught truth this morning, I love you.  You are strong and beautiful, and loved by God completely, unconditionally.  I am here for you always.

Be Careful Little Eyes What You See

I remember this song from my childhood...
Be careful little eyes what you see, be careful little eyes what you see.  For the Father up above is looking down in love, so be careful little eyes what you see. 
It goes on to sing about little ears and what they hear, and little hands and what they do...it's a child's song, but being that I am a child of God, I still say it applies to me. 

I almost titled this post "Why You Can't Find Me on Facebook", but really facebook is just part of my thoughts today;  it all revolves around what we allow our eyes to see. 

Matthew 6:22-23 says, "The eye is the lamp of the body.  If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light.  But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness.  If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!"

I've learned over the past few months that what my eyes see directly impacts my thoughts, my attitudes, and my relationship with God.  The influences of this world are real and powerful;  the images that our eyes see burn themselves into our memories and recall themselves at just the wrong (or right) times. 

I joined Facebook in 2007.  I had been talking to a friend about a girl I knew in college, and I had expressed a desire to know what was going on in her life at that point in time.  The friend I was talking to introduced me to Facebook, and told me to look there to satifsfy my curiousity.  A whole new world openned up for me;  I "found" people I didn't even know where missing from my life.  It was so cool.  I continued as a part of this "social network" until this year when I decided to simplify.  I desired to remove from my life that which was standing in the way of healing in my marriage, and growing in my relationship with God.  You see, Facebook had become an addiction, and I don't want to be addicted to anything this world has to offer.  Above that, Facebook filled my eyes with things I didn't need to see...status updates, pictures, men and women who might threaten to pry themselves into my life...I didn't need it. 
I am not trying to start an "Anti-Facebook" revolution, and I'm not trying to make you feel bad if you have an account, it's just that for me it was something I didn't need or desire anymore.  As with any addiction though, it's hard to quit.  Everywhere you go businesses are boasting, "you can find us on facebook!", or "friend us on facebook!".  You might miss an invite to something, or might not be the first to know that your old bff from high school is pregnant again.   I've discovered an amazing thing though...listen closely...I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!  Those words are so freeing.  When I pried myself away from checking status updates and oooing and ahhhing over pictures of people's kids that I don't even know, a whole new world openned up for me.  Sure sometimes I miss the "big" news of the day, but those people who are really my friends email me pictures or call to tell me what's new in their lives.  It's a much simpler and quieter way to live, and in everything it's a huge way of guarding my eyes from things that take me to places that I don't need to go. 
Facebook is just one example of the vast world on the internet that can cause you trouble if you're not careful.  It is so dangerously easy to fall head first into the fantasy world that is your computer screen; you can find anything online and anyone.  The internet opens you up to world where cheating on your spouse is convenient and fun.  It's a world in which you can browse scandelous websites and erase the evidence...it's as easy as a push of a button.  The world is at your fingertips, and it's pours in through your eyes. 
I made a choice to do everything I can to fill my eyes with the light;  I don't want to radiate darkness.  I made choice to walk away from the temptation to fall into impersonal, easily covered up sin.  When you make that choice, you start to find out that there is still a world out there...filled with human beings who still desire face to face conversations.  There are still people who will talk to you, email you, or even write you letters with an actual pen.  We are a generation addicted to filling our eyes with whatever we can get our hands on as quickly as possible;  I walked away, and when I did my light shined a little brighter. 

Be careful little eyes what you see...your Father up above is looking down in love...be careful little eyes what you see. 

Bring Me Close to You

This morning at our church the pastor spoke on worship.  To be honest, it was sermon in which my mind wondered quite a bit.   I usually don't like when that happens, but this morning it didn't wonder too far; worship was what was on my mind.  Our youth group has just come back from a week long retreat on a lake here CA.  Throughout the sermon, various stories were recounted from the week;  some were funny, some spoke of God's work in the hearts of kids there.  As I listened, I was brought back to my high school years.  I was never the "best" Christian growing up, and I had to learn many things the hard way, but I remember those times at summer camp, or with my youth group friends when I felt in a very real way God's presence among us.  When you're a kid who loves the Lord, surrounded by other kids who love the Lord, worship is something so special and true;  at retreats and camps, you're on top of the mountain, experiencing God in a very powerful and awesome way.  I always remember never wanting those time to end;  I always wanted to hold onto that feeling of closeness to God forever. 
As we become adults it becomes easy for us have fewer and fewer of those mountain top experiences.  Marriage, kids, work, and life in general get in the way;  we just become too busy, and the days pass before we know it.  For some adults (and I'm speaking from a very personal point of view), the desire to be cool and to not "ruffle people's feathers" stands in the way of worshiping God the way He deserves to be worshiped. 
I sometimes look around during the singing portion of our church service and see people all over the sanctuary raising their hands in worship;  as I stand...and sing...with my own hands down and clasped in front of me, I start to wonder how those people feel free enough to raise their hands, unashamed.  Worship in that way...that all surrendering way...seems sometimes out of my grasp.  As I grow closer to God though, and as I give more of myself to Him each day, I am beginning to experience freedom, and I am starting to feel the fresh, mountain top air lifting me up again. 
I may not be a teenager anymore, surrounded by all of my Christian friends at a camp designed to draw me closer to God, but in James 4:8 God has promised that if I "come near to Him, he will come near to me".  There have been times as an adult that I have forgotten that promise, that I have pushed Him away, and then blamed Him for not showing Himself to me.  I am learning that worship is key in communion with Him, and it's key in drawing close to Him.  The best part:  I don't have to be a teenager to feel that way again. 
In 2 Samuel 6 there's a story of David in which they are bringing the ark of God into Jerusalem.  In verse 14 it says, "David, wearing a linen ephod, danced before the Lord with all his might, while he and the entire house of Israel brought up the ark of the Lord with shouts and the sound of trumpets."  Later in that chapter it talks about how David's wife, Michal, berated him for humiliating himself like that.  In fact, in verse16 it says, "when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she despised him in her heart."  I like what he says to her in verses 21-22 (NTL), "I am willing to act like a fool in order to show my joy in the Lord.  Yes, I am willing to look even more foolish than this..."  In the end, because Michal criticized David's worship she was never able to bear children...worship is serious.  I like this story because if  David...a king and "a man after God's own heart"...can leap and dance for the Lord, I wonder what's stopping me. 
I, in fact, do know what's stopping me, and I'm not sure I will ever (here on earth anyway) get to the point of leaping and dancing, but God does deserve my worship in everything.  If we're too busy or too cool to worship Him, then maybe we need to reevaluate if we really know Him at all, and if we don't maybe we shouldn't be surprised if in the end He says, "I never knew you, depart from me" (Matthew 7:23).  Our worship declares who we are in Him. 
It doesn't take a high school retreat or a summer camp to draw close to Him; it takes an open heart, the recognition of His holiness, the acknowledgement that He deserves our worship, and the willingness to "act like a fool in order to show your joy in the Lord."   Ask God to bring you back to your mountain top and then do the work it takes to stay there.
 He deserves your worship, and as you commune with Him, He will meet you in a powerful and awesome way;  He will meet you in a way that never has to end...stay close to Him and He will stay close to you. 

Killing Trees and Moving Mountains

I believe in the power of prayer.  I believe that prayer can change hearts, bring peace, and physically heal.  I also know that God doesn't always answer our prayers the way we expect Him to, and that sometimes unanswered prayer tests the limits of our faith and pushes us dangerously close to giving up...sometimes we do give up.  There are times though that prayer is answered and miracles happen;  answered prayer renews our faith and can be an amazing tool for us to give God glory, displaying His power to those who don't know Him. 
I read something this morning that gave me pause in my thoughts of prayer. 
Matthew 21: 18-22 says, "Early in the morning, as he (Jesus) was on his way back to the city, he was hungry.  Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves.  Then he said to it, 'May you never bear fruit again!'  Immediately the tree withered.  When the disciples saw this, they were amazed.  'How did the fig tree wither so quickly?' they asked.  Jesus replied, 'I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done.  If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."
My question is: Did Jesus mean that literally?  Could I literally say to one of the mountains along the PCH, "throw yourself into the sea" and it would just move and suddenly sink beneath the waves?  No...it wouldn't.  It's lack of movement wouldn't be because something like that is impossible for God;  it would be because I have next to no faith that it would even move an inch just because I told it to.  Mountain moving and tree killing are not usually things that we long for and believe will happen, so what was Jesus talking about? 

For me personally, Jesus was saying, "Amanda, if you believe completely that your marriage can be saved, it will be."  He said, "Amanda, if you trust that I know what is best for you and chose to follow me through everything that comes your way, I will grant you peace that surpasses any one's understanding."  It means something different for each of us.  For you it might mean that someday your spouse will come to know Him;  it might mean that your son will someday turn to Jesus and chose to live for him.  It might mean a healed sickness or safety for someone you love;  it could mean that God will provide money, or food, or shelter when you have none.  God is in the business of making the impossible possible.  It's not through voodoo or magic, it's through faith in Him.  When we ask for something in accordance with His will (that's a really a huge point there), when we "have faith and do not doubt", He will provide. 
As I said, sometimes prayers aren't answered.  Sometimes God just says 'no', but usually it's because He has something better in store for you.  Faith doesn't mean that life will be easy, that things will just automatically fall into place because you ask Him to do that for you;  faith is a journey, and God's time is drastically different from ours.  Your mountain might not move instantaneously, but if you truly believe that someday it will, and if you have faith that God knows what He's doing, eventually it will throwh itself into the sea.  In that moment remember to give to glory to God, and in the meantime remember that God sees the bigger picture...other things might have to happen before the mountain moves...wait on Him, believe in Him, keep praying, and do not doubt that He will provide a way.

The Journey of No Return

"Only a few years will pass before I go on the journey of no return."  Job 16:22


Job's description of death as "the journey of no return" jumped off of the page when I read it.  I don't think about death often, but there was something in Job's wording that resonated in my heart;  it's a poetic description, and completely accurate.  Death is a journey that none of us will return from. 
Mostly my thoughts of death come in the form of hoping that it holds off until I see my children grow up.  I want to be in their lives for as long as possible.  As glorious as the hope of heaven is, I really do want the opportunity to help mold my children, to see the choices they make, and to walk with them for as long as they let me.  I don't have a fear of death, and I'm open to whatever God's will is, but if I had my way I would die a happy old, old lady. 
Unfortunately for Job, he felt as though he had nothing left to live for.  His children had died, all of his possessions were gone, and he was in severe physical pain;  death was something he longed for.  Everything I've read so far indicates that Job wasn't afraid of death either;  in his suffering, he wanted to welcome it with open arms.

I have often tried to understand what someone not raised in a Christian, church going home feels about death;  what goes through the minds of people who have yet to be introduced to Jesus?  Is it something they don't think about?  Is it something they feel is just the end..that there's nothing beyond the dirt they are laid in?  Is it something fearful and uncertain?  I know that different people feel different emotions about the subject, but in all of it I have to think there's an underlying sense of hopelessness.  What's the purpose of a life that just ends when our hearts stop beating?  Doesn't their soul long for something more?  Maybe they are searching;  maybe they don't even realize they are...

I believe in God, and I believe that God created each and every one of us.  I believe that in us God placed a desire to know Him, to accept His truth, and to connect one on one with Him whenever we choose to.  The key is that it is a choice we make because  He also placed in us free will, and free will can get in the way of us turning to Him. 

Some people feel the nudge in their hearts;  that whisper in their soul that says there's something more.  Some people believe in God, but refuse to believe that He would place parameters on who goes to heaven.  Some people can't understand why an "all-loving God" would sentence some people to eternity in hell.   Some people don't truly believe in hell;  if they did, if they really understood what it meant, they wouldn't joke so casually about going there. 

"God has set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11 

However you look at death right now, somewhere inside of you God has placed eternity.  At some point you will face a choice to either deal with the question of heaven and hell, or to ignore it until it's too late; either way you go, you are making a decision.  As humans, eternity is hard to fathom, but we have to understand and come to terms with the knowledge that this life is not the end.  Do you know where your "journey of no return" is going to take you?   Or are you too wrapped up in this world to open you hearts to something more?  We are all heading somewhere, and the difference is a matter of faith. 
I urge you to open yourself up to listening for God's whisper in your heart.  It's there;  He calls out for you to make a choice.  You see, when Jesus came to this earth, His purpose through His life and through His death was to lead us to God.   His gift was dying for our sins, so that we wouldn't have to.  He has given us eternity...freely...the only thing He asks in return is for us to believe in Him.

I have admitted that I am a sinner; I am in no way perfect, and I fall short of the mark everyday.  I have expressed my need for a Savior, I have trusted in Jesus as that Savior, and I have laid all that I am at the foot of the cross.   In return, God has given me the hope of eternity with Him in heaven;  I am His child.  He has taken my sin and placed a giant stamp of forgiveness over it all.  The important thing to understand is that it has nothing to do with anything I have done or haven't done...it's ALL because of what He has done for me...and for you if you just believe. 

Step one is admitting that you are a sinner, and understanding that the price of sin is death... 
Step two is believing that Jesus paid that price for you by dying on the cross, and that God raised from the dead...
Step three is accepting Jesus as your Savior and allowing Him to change your life from the inside, out. 

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God". Romans 3:23
"For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus, our Lord" Romans 6:23
"When you confess with you mouth, 'Jesus is Lord', and you believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9 

That's it:  admitting that you are a sinner in need a Savior, having faith that through His death and His resurrection Jesus is that Savior, and placing your life in His hands...that's what determines where your journey will take you. 

Jeremiah 29:13 says, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart." 

If anything in you is searching for answers, if you feel eternity's tug on your heart, seek Him and you will find Him.  Trust in Him, and He will make Himself known to you. 

I'm not afraid of death, and when it's my time to go I will be at peace because I know where my "journey of no return" is taking me.  My hope is that those I love are heading to the same destination that I am.  It's time to make a choice...don't wait until it's too late.  God is waiting to show you who you are in Him. 

The Love Seat Connection

I love remembering my grandparents.  My grandfather was gruff and my grandmother was slightly flighty, but they loved me and they loved each other.  I have so many memories from times spent with them;  they passed away over five years ago and I miss them very much.  One of my favorite stories of them happened towards the end of my grandmother's life.  They had decided to get rid of their old love seat and replace it with two brand new recliners;  the idea was that they could sit comfortable in their living room with their feet up.  The problem was that they weren't comfortable;  sitting in separate chairs meant they weren't sitting next to each other.  They only had the recliners a short time before they traded them with my aunt for her love seat.  You see, they wanted to sit next to each and hold hands. 
I love this picture of love.  I love that they so desired to be close to each other that they couldn't stand to sit three feet away, not holding hands.  God created a husband and wife to love each other like that.  In Matthew 19:5-6 it says, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one."
I'm not saying that we shouldn't have differences, or that we can't disagree on things from time to time, but ultimately we should stick together and face life side by side.  I love the movie Fireproof where one of the firefighters is talking to Kurt Cameron's character about marriage.  He describes it like salt and pepper.  He talks about how they are completely different textures and flavors...they are made of completely different things, but you always see them together.  He then takes some glue and glues this plastic set of salt and pepper shakers together;  Kurt Cameron goes to break it apart and the guy says, "Don't do it.  If you tear them apart you destroy one or both of them."  Marriage was meant to be forever;  "for better or worse" shouldn't be just words we say...it's a covenant we enter into. 
In Matthew 19 the Pharisees are trying to test Jesus, so they ask Him about divorce. They ask why Moses allowed divorce, and Jesus answers in verse 8, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard.  But it was not this way from the beginning."  Jesus understood that sin had entered the world and permeated through all aspects of life, including marriage.  Things happen in marriages that are overwhelming sometimes, choices are made, and one or both in the marriage desire to part...it's real and it happens all the time.  What Jesus is saying is that it wasn't like that in the beginning ... that's not the way God intended for it to be.  When people's hearts harden towards each other (and really towards God), divorce is there...but what if we don't harden our hearts? 
In Matthew 19:11 Jesus says, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it's been given."  In verse 12 He says, "The one who can accept this should accept it."  See, sometimes it's not in our power to stay in a marriage, sometimes situations are dangerous and you have to get out, but sometimes it is in our power to stay.  If you truly turn to God and ask Him to show you  what His answer is, maybe He'll give it to you, and in that moment He'll give you the strength and show you His way through whatever you're going through.
I'm not an expert, and I know that today sin runs rampant in homes all around the world.  I understand in a very real way the hopelessness of a dying marriage.  Jesus says that it's not way God wants it to be...all I'm saying is that maybe if you turn to the creator of marriage and ask for help and guidance, maybe your answers will come. 
My husband and I have a couch that has reclining chairs on both ends with a non-reclining chair in the middle.  For a long time while we were going through our tough days, we would sit on either end...neither one of us compromising and moving to the middle.  We weren't connected, we both wanted to be comfortable, and we allowed that three feet to sit between us.   Recently we rearranged our living room;  our love seat is now where the couch used to be.  Both seats recline, we can both be comfortable, but there's no space in between;  I love this picture of love:  side by side, holding hands, no distance in between.  After everything that happened between us, we could have chosen to divorce, but in the end one or both of us would have been destroyed.  Instead, we let God in and suddenly our marriage didn't seem so hopeless. 
If you're not connecting with you spouse maybe you need rearrange a little bit.  Have you let some space come between you?  Have you compromised lately?  Have you turned to God for answers?  Don't wait until it's too late...don't let your heart harden...don't get comfortable on your recliner...stay connected. 

My Father

I grew up in a home where both of my parents worked full time.  My childhood was vastly different from the one my children are now experiencing.  I am able to stay at home with my boys, but that wasn't an option for my parents.  While I love my mom immensely, and she has long been one of my best friends, if you asked her she would tell you that I'm a daddy's girl.
My dad worked full time, but he worked from home which allowed him the flexibility to care for my brother and I throughout the day.  In summer he set up our lemonade stand everyday, and during the school year he made sure we got to and from school on time.  He made us breakfast, lunch and dinner, he entertained us and our friends, he listened to us, and he taught us how to cook and fish. 
When my brother and I were in elementary school we took the bus everyday.  Each morning my dad would sit with us at the end of our driveway to wait on it, and as we sat there he would pray over us and teach us scripture.  It's such an amazing gift that he gave me, and I don't think I've ever really thanked him for it. 
One specific part of scripture he taught us was the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13).  Recently a speaker at our church talked about about this passage and he asked us to think on the first two words, "Our Father".  He asked us to truly think of ourselves as God's children and to try to wrap our heads around the fact that He is our Father;  we are heirs together with Christ.  The Lord's Prayer teaches us how to talk to our heavenly Father, and I am so thankful that my dad took the time, and saw the importance of teaching me these verses. 
My dad has taught me so many things throughout my life;  he has been an amazing example of unconditional love, of forgiveness, of patience, of hospitality, of gentleness, of kindness, and of goodness.  I am who I am because he has loved me, and has stood by me through everything that has come my way. 
I love you Mom;  you have taught me strength and how to have a voice, but we both know that I'm a daddy's girl...
I love you Dad.  Thank you for introducing me to my heavenly Father, thank you for being there for me, for loving me, and for standing by me...always.  You are an amazing father and I thank God for you. 
Happy Father's Day 

Crooked Paths on the Straight and Narrow Highway

Ever feel like you're on a crooked path?  Like maybe you've veered slightly off course, or maybe your whole life has been a smidge off center?  Sometimes you might not even realize it until a storm comes and changes the landscape around you;  maybe then you begin to see a straighter path off in the distance? 
I've been struggling lately with this crooked path/straight path conundrum.  We've gone over some major bumps in the road this year, we've had some violent storms come our way, and as we pick through the remnants of what was left behind I'm beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, we veered off course at some point.  It's not that the life we have right now is bad;  it's not that we, being my husband and I, aren't striving to do the right things.  We work hard, we are raising our children in a Godly home, and we have finally figured out how to love each other the way God intended us to.  The thing that has been nagging at me is that maybe, just maybe, the path over there in the distance would be better for us.  I believe that God allowed us to make the choices we have made which brought us to this place we're at;  I believe that as Christians we can walk the straight and narrow road, but that God allows us to choose the crooked paths from time to time. 
I'm wrestling with the question of what is okay to ask of God; is it okay for me to ask God to change our path?  I've been hesitant to say this out loud, I'm still not sure that I'm putting the right words to the question burning inside of me, but I want to know if it's okay to ask God to shake up our lives?  Is it okay to ask Him to lead us on a direct route to that straight path in the distance?  My problem is that in everything, I want His will to be done.  I don't believe in a "genie" God, and I don't want to get my own way all the time...so I've been stuck in the middle, and I've had to lean on scripture for  the answers. 
I can site Matthew 19:26 when Jesus says, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." 
I like John 14:13-14 when Jesus says, "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so the Son may bring glory to the Father.  You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."
I can come together with my like minded friends and turn to Matthew 18:19-20, "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.  For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." 
You see, I believe in the scripture, I believe that it is living and active, and I believe that God speaks through it.  The verses I sited above have deep and true meaning, but they didn't quite lift the weight that I felt inside.  When I'm looking for answers to the questions that I can barely put words to, I listen for the gentle whisper of the Holy Spirit to bring me comfort and lead me down the right path. 
This time the Holy Spirit brought me to Jesus in Gethsemane.  Mark 14:35-36 says, "Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him.  'Abba, Father,' He said, 'everything is possible for you.  Take this cup from me.  Yet not what I will, but what you will." 
Though I'm not facing death on the cross, this prayer is what is in my heart.  I want so badly for the cup, the crooked path that is before us, to be taken from me, but I also want His will to be done.  The part I have to be open to is that God didn't take that cup away from Jesus;  Jesus had to walk the path and follow His Father's will...even to the point of death.   There might have been another path that looked straighter and less frightening, but it wouldn't have accomplished His purpose.
 I believe that sometimes God allows crooked paths on the straight and narrow highway to fulfill His will;  I can pray for the cup to be taken, but I need to be open to continuing the journey no matter what His answer might be. 
When I need encouragement along the way, I look to Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;  in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."  Peace comes when I can say that I might not be on the easiest road, but when I turn to God He will walk with me down even the crookedest of paths. 

Why Can't I See Him?

We talk about God quite a bit in our house.  I love the hearts that my boys have for Him; I love that they get excited about learning bible verses, and talking about heaven and Jesus.  I love that when I say, "Grab your bible and let's read a story", their faces light up, and they drop whatever they're doing to pile onto the couch.  I love how innocently and wholeheartedly they believe in Him.  They long to know about Him, and their minds meditate on Him.  We were getting into the car today and my 5 year old asked me, "Mommy, why can't we see God?" 
It's a question I'm sure just about every child who is taught about God asks;  I'm sure I probably asked my parents when I was his age...it caught me off guard though.  I started shuffling through the Sunday School answers in my mind and quickly sited the time when Moses asked God to show him His glory.  God answered him in Exodus 33:19-20 saying, "'I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence.  I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.  But,' He said, 'you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.'" So then God places Moses in the cleft of a rock, covered him as He passed by and only allowed him to see His back. 
"You see," I said to Micah, "we, as humans, can't handle God's glory...it's too great for us.  We can't see Him here on earth, but someday we will see Him in heaven."
As with everything we talk about, more questions followed; we moved on to the topic of Jesus and how He is in heaven, and again he asked, "Why can't I see Him?"
So the topic of faith came about...these kids have some serious questions...and as we talked through faith, and how faith is believing in something we can't see, it dawned on me:  I can see God.  No, I can't physically see His face, but He is everywhere.  His glory fills creation, and if our eyes are open to it, He will reveal it to us.  Granted, it is only a fraction of the glory that fills heaven, but as I looked into the wide, innocent eyes of my child...I caught a glimpse of it. 
I love talking to my boys about God.  I love to hear them pray and thank Jesus for every good thing in our lives...I love to hear them ask Him to keep their daddy safe while he flies.  I love watching their little minds formulate questions, and I love to be the one they ask them to.  I love that my parents talked to me about God, and I love the thought that someday my grandchildren will talk to my kids about Him. 

My Sunday School answer was true...the fullness of God's goodness and glory is too much for us to handle here on earth;  Jesus did walk on the earth, but, it's true, we can't "see" Him today...faith is the key.  When we have faith, God begins to reveal Himself to us...the parts we can handle...and our hope rests in the knowledge that someday we will see Him and be able to take in the fullness of Him.  In all of that, you might think it would be too much for a 5 year old to understand, but it's not;  Micah gets it.  That's why when the disciples were asking Jesus, in Matthew 18:1, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?", Jesus says in verses 3-4, "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."  It's all about innocence;  about faith without needing to understand every little thing.  It's not about who is greatest, who has the most worldly knowledge, or who lives in the biggest house;  it's about having the heart of my 5 year old who meditates on God, asks questions, and simply believes and gets that God is real.  When we let go of our need to see everything, to understand everything, and to control everything, and when we strip away our worldly "maturity" and open our hearts to innocence, we can see that God's glory is all around.  Though we can't "see Him", creation proclaims His existence;  it's humbling, and I feel extremely privileged to see it through the eyes of my 5 year old son.  Whatever is weighing you down today, or whatever is standing in the way of you seeing God, let go of it...step out in faith and open your heart like a child;  God, the Father of all creation, is waiting to show Himself to you. 

Angels Among Us

It's just after noon here on the west coast, my little man is sleeping and the older two are racing Mario and Luigi around a virtual track on the Wii.   I've done a couple of sink loads of dishes, baked some muffins, and wrestled with what to write about today.  I've been meditating on Matthew 18 this morning.  There are some really big topics addressed in this chapter:  temptation, confrontation, forgiveness.  I have stories I could write about any one of these...perhaps I will at some point...but what God keeps laying on my heart is children. 
Jesus is clear about His love for children;  He is clear about the need to protect children from the evil in our world.  In verses 5-6 He says, "Whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.  But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea."  Wow...it's pretty clear that God places a priority on our treatment of children. 
As a mom, I try really hard to be a good example for my kids.  I do my best to teach them right from wrong, to guard their innocence, and to lead them in such way that as they grow they will make wise decisions.  There are times that I fail, there are times when my patience runs short, there are times when I don't make the right choices, and there are times when I snap under the pressure of trying to go it alone.  You see the trouble comes when I get stressed, when I have too many things on my plate, and when I choose to put other things in the place of the amazing job God has given me to do.  There are times too when my kids just get on my nerves;  they talk nonstop, they're loud, and they fight with each other.  They can be frustrating.  My kids trust me though, and while it is my job to discipline and train them, it is also my job to protect them from the world's way of doing things...which sometimes includes my actions and reactions.  When I consider my boys and when I really take the time to look at them, I get choked up...they are perfect and they are beautiful and they just need a mom to teach them, not to freak out on them.
I ask God every day to help me to be the mom He wants me to be, but just like every other parent out there, I'm not perfect...I'm human and I make mistakes.  Here's what I learned from Matthew 18 this morning though, verse 10 says, "See that you do no look down on one of these little ones.  For I tell you that THEIR angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven."  Let's stop here...I'm not an English scholar but I'm pretty certain the word "their" or "theirs" is what's called a possessive pronoun.  It shows ownership, and in this case it is saying that children have angels that are specifically "theirs" .  I'm not going to pretend that I'm expert on angels;  all that I know is that they are real and that (among other things) they can be used by God to do his work here in our world.  My study bible talks about this verse and how certain angels specifically watch over children and how they have "direct access to God" (vs 10..."always see the face of my Father").  So here's what I get out of it:  if God is willing and available to be accessible for the needs of our children, shouldn't we make ourselves available too?   Let's not get so busy in our lives that we ignore our job to care for and to protect our children.  Let's not take them for granted and ignore the innocence that oozes out of them.  Let's learn from them, and love them as God has called us to.   It's a great responsibility, and one that Jesus was clear in His explanation of.  Nothing in this world, or in our crazy, busy lives should take precedence over something that God holds as a priority. 
I am awed by my God who protects His innocent creations with His heavenly beings here in our sinful world.  I am so thankful that though through my own sinful nature, I may fail my children, God has placed His angels over them, and has given them constant, direct access to Him. 
Look at your children today and ask God to help you to see them as He does.  Guard them from the evil in this world, protect them from sin, and trust that His angels  are among us, watching over them.

Weathered and Weary

There packed sea bags sitting in my bedroom, a to-do list on the dresser, and the weight of an impending goodbye sitting squarely on my heart.  It is once again time for my husband to leave and as the preparations for his departure continue, I feel like I'm stuck in slow motion while the world around me plays on at a normal speed.  We've done this many times before;  we're "experienced" in the art of separating and coming back together.  We are weathered and worn, and truthfully this time is really "no big deal"...2 months is nothing compared to the 7 or 8 we've done in the past.  The difference for me this time is that I feel weary.  I'm tired...not just physically but emotionally.  I'm drained, and looking at an entire summer of being a single mom to three boys seems impossible.  It's more than that though...it's also the fact that Cory and I have connected this year like we never have before.  I feel as though if we "unplug" from what we've come to know the past few months, everything might fall apart.  It scares me, and I wonder if my heart can take it.  Our goodbye is inevitable though, and as with each time we've done it in the past, I will hold my head up and do what needs to be done with strength that can only come from God.
Weariness is difficult;  it's not something that will go away after a good night's rest or by going to get a pedicure with the girls.  It runs deep and it's tied to your soul.  A weary soul sometimes leads you to the point of giving up, but fortunately when we put our faith in Jesus we can find a hope and a cure.    
In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." 
This is one of my favorite verses.  So often in the midst of life my soul cries out for rest;  Jesus promises that in Him we can find that rest.  When we're feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, He says, "just come to me, I'm ready to hold you".  It's such a beautiful truth.  No matter where you are today, what you're preparing for, or what is making you weary, you can turn to Jesus and He will give you rest. 
Thank you Lord that your yoke is easy and your burden is light, and that if we just turn to you, you will take our weariness and give us rest for our souls.  Thank you that you hold our heads up when we are weak and tired, and help us to learn from you each day.    

You Should Write This Down

As far back as I can remember my mom has been urging me to keep a journal of events in my life.  From my horrible junior high school years, through all of the boy drama of high school, to married, military life and now through the life of my children....I've heard, "You should be writing this down!".  I have tried and failed repeatedly.  On our bookshelf and through numerous yet-to-be-unpacked boxes you will find evidence of my attempts at journal keeping;  there are beautifully bound journals all over my house, some completely blank, and some with just the first few pages filled in.  Always though, it ends up being a short lived dream and the journals retire to the shelf, sentenced to a life of dust collecting.  It is sad for me to think that someday my children will go through my things and only have a small portion of my life story to read about.  I am envious of those "journaling" people who leave a legacy for future generations to read, but it's just not my strength.  
Another thing that is not a strength of mine is prayer.  I'm terrible at it, and I always have been.  Certainly there are times when I have urgently prayed for people and situations and I have felt confident in my sincerity and in God's hearing those prayers, but on a daily basis, a "prayer warrior" I am not.  So when people talk about prayer journals, it's a double no-no for me. 
Several months ago a friend challenged my to write down parts of my character that I want to "put off"...things that I want to change about myself.  It is sometimes hard to think about weaknesses and to own up to them enough to write them down on paper.  I decided that prayer is probably my number one weakness;  I get distracted and often the fog of life that fills my head is so dense I feel as though my prayers can't break through the cloud.  It's a problem.  So number one on my list:  I want to learn how to pray, and I want to stop being so distracted.  The challenge is to find an answer to that problem through reading God's word, and seeking God's help to find a new character to "put on"; this is where real change happens. 
Funny enough, the sermon at church yesterday was on prayer.  The speaker focused on the Lord's prayer and how it is an outline to teach us how to pray.  I've heard the basic message before and it wasn't particularly revolutionary for me, but something he said struck me and I really liked it...I'm going to put it into my own words here...basically he said that prayer isn't something you do when you get to a place of peace and quiet, prayer is something you do throughout the journey; it  is something to continually do each step of the way.  I like that image because often I don't have time to stop the world around me and lock  myself off in a perfectly quiet, peaceful place;  he was saying that even in the midst of my crazy life all God wants from me is to keep the conversation going. 
The thing is, this works differently for each of us.  There are many books on prayer, on how to pray and what to pray, and I'm sure most are very good;  the key is to find what works for you and to apply it with vigor.  This has been my problem for a long time:  nothing has really worked for me and I always seem to lose the motivation to keep practicing whatever method of prayer I was trying.  Enter in my friend's challenge, my writing down my weakness, my surrendering it to God, and God's amazing way of changing things when we allow Him to. 
I was struck this week by the book of Psalms.  I've read Psalms my whole life, but what got me this time was that David wrote these...it's like his personal prayer journal that I get a read and learn from.  He describes God beautifully, he praises His name and calls on Him to help in all situations.  Some psalms are about being discouraged and feeling like God  has turned His back on him, some are all about God's creation,  and some speak about God being his refuge;  I love that I get a glimpse into the heart of this man that walked with God.  That is such a gift for me;  I told God I wanted to "put off" my weakness in prayer and His answer to me was to consider David and how David poured his soul into words that I can read today. 
"Putting on" new character takes time and practice;  it also takes a method that works for you.  I was blessed to have a friend introduce me to a journal called Establishing God's Peace (egpministries.com);  it works for me and it is teaching me how to pray. I have failed at journaling time and time again, but this method gives me a structure to follow, and as the title suggests I am establishing peace like I've never felt before. 
I do recommend the EGP journal, but I'm not writing about it to sell journals for them.  I'm writing because I was encouraged to seek change, to recognize a weakness that was coming between me and my God, and to do something about it.  What do you need to surrender?  Where does your weakness lie and are you willing to write down and hand it over?  God is ready to help you "put off" the parts of your character that hinder your relationship with Him and He has exactly what you need to "put on" ready and available whenever you open your heart to it.  It take practice and willingness to change, but the joy and peace it brings is well worth it. 
I wish I had David's beautiful words that paint such a glorious picture of God, and I wish that I had his words to call out to God in times when I feel abandoned and afraid;  my words seem plain, inelegant and clumsy at times, but God doesn't ask us for perfection in prayer.  He takes what we offer and makes it glorious when it comes from a heart surrendering itself to Him.  He is with us through the journey and whatever method of prayer I use, He's there listening. 

"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?  You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor.  You made him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet: all flocks and herds, and the beasts of the field, the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas.  O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!"
Psalm 8: 3-9

Out to Get Me

My husband and I had a very interesting "newlywed" phase of our marriage.  Interrupted by work-ups and a seven month deployment, we were married almost two years before we actually settled into some sort of comfortableness in marriage.  I have many fond memories of our younger years, before kids, really getting to know each other, and learning how to adjust to living together.  Many inside jokes were formed back then that have stuck with us to this day.  There's one day in particular that still makes us laugh every time we have a bad day.  On this day, nothing went right...I can't even recall what exactly went wrong throughout the earlier parts of the day, but as we laid down in bed that night I remember being completely overwhelmed and totally thankful that we had made it through whatever it was that had happened.  I laid my head on my pillow and said the infamous words, "what else could have possibly gone wrong today?"  At that very moment my side of the bed came crashing down and my head slammed into the nightstand.  There was nothing we could do but to look at each other and to start laughing hysterically. 
We go through periods of time in our lives when it feels like everything and anything that could possibly go wrong does.  Sometimes we can laugh about it, and sometimes we can only hopelessly cry out for a reason why.  I'm still working my way through Job and I came across something really interesting.  In Job 10:13-14 Job is speaking about God and the suffering he is going through and says, "But this is what you (God) concealed in your heart, and I know that this was in your mind:  If I sinned, you would be watching me and would not let my offense go unpunished."  In verse 16 he goes on, "If I hold my head high, you stalk me like a lion and again display your awesome power against me.  You bring new witnesses against me, your forces come against me wave upon wave."  I like the wording "wave upon wave"...it brings a vivid picture of waves rolling in and a person standing in the surf  getting knocked over time and time again (at least that's what I see in my head!).  The thing about Job's words is that at this point he is assuming that God is out to get him for some reason he can't understand.  He paints God as a sort of bully who just watches him, waiting for him to screw up so that He can punish him.  Job is so wrapped up in his suffering and the fact that there's no logical (to him) explanation for his suffering that he fails to understand that there's a bigger plan at work here. He can't see a reason so he starts to assume things about God that aren't true;  how often do we do that? 
I know for me, when life starts to become overwhelming, when everything seems to be going wrong, there's that moment that comes when I think "ok God...why me?  What did I do to deserve this?"  I start to assume that life is all about me, that somehow just because I'm a "good girl" I shouldn't have to suffer, and that God should just bring blessing upon blessing instead of hurt upon hurt.  I start to wonder where God is and why He is punishing me.  There such a danger in that way of thinking.  Don't get me wrong, it's a natural human reaction, but the danger comes when we linger in that thought, and when we really start to believe that God is "out to get us".  The reality is that God doesn't have to explain Himself to us;  His plans are so much higher and greater than anything we can comprehend.  If we truly trust Him we need to let go of the feeling that we're being punished, give up trying to find the answer to "why me?", and know that our suffering will be used by God for something greater. 
My story of our bed breaking is a just a silly example of when everything seems to be going against us.  Many good people suffer greatly in this life, and I know that hysterical laughter is not the answer for those people.  Trusting that your suffering is just piece in God's bigger picture, and knowing that He will take care of you through it all, is key to letting go of the wrong assumption that God is out to get you.  God loves us and when we trust in Him, we need to understand that sometimes suffering is sent by Him and sometimes suffering is allowed by Him, but in everything He has a plan.  Though your pain might be great, He hasn't turned His back on you...He's waiting for you to let go of your assumptions and trust Him.  You might not ever understand the "whys" of it, but you can know that it's not for nothing;  God wants to save you, not destroy you.  Just as Job had no idea that his suffering would produce a legacy that we would read about and learn from right now in the year 2012, our suffering can be used by God in ways we can never imagine.  He has big plans for your life whether you can see or not.  In Jeremiah 29:11-13 it says, " 'For I know the plans I have you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."  Seek God, know He's not out to get you;  His plan is for you to have hope and a future...trusting in Him no matter what your circumstances. 

Losing My Life

As I mentioned in some earlier posts, my life has completely changed this year.  Every aspect of how I function has been uprooted, and it is taking me time to figure out the new me.  From friends and activities to raising the boys and walking with God...nothing is the same.  God allowed suffering in my life, and the result is a completely new Amanda.  I still have my quirks, my personality, the things I love and the things I really dislike, but my priorities have changed and the walls that compartmentalized so much of my life are gone.  I lost a great deal of who I was, but what I have gained is so much better than I could have ever imagined.  Through pain, God has brought peace, and as the dust settles and His light shines through, joy fills my heart.  God can use everything for His good, but it's up to us if we want to choose to be a part of His blessing;  it's up to us to pick up our cross and follow him.  I have accepted the revolution to came into my life;  I have embraced that which I don't understand for the sake of gaining new life in Christ.  The result is beauty beyond imagination, peace that surpasses understanding, faith built on a firm foundation, hope in every situation, and love like I've never experienced before. 

Matthew 16:24-27 says, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.  For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.  What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?  Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?  For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father's glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done." 

Through everything that has happened in my life this year, the greatest lesson I've learned is this:  when I chose to surrender and follow God's leading, when I chose to let go of my hurt or ambition, when I chose to lose my life for His sake, when I chose to step out in faith and lean on Him to get me through, the reward, the end state is more amazing then anything I could have hoped for.  God allows us to make our own choices; He loves us enough to give us the freedom to learn, grow, and experience things in our lives.  Here's a secret I've learned though:  His way is the best way.  Your cross may be heavy, laying down your life as you know it may seem scary, but when you take that step of faith and walk towards Jesus, his open arms will catch you.  He will give you new life in Him and bless you in ways you could not imagine.

Treasures

I'm a collector.  I love things:  pretty things, old things, helpful things, memorable things.  I have a lot of stuff, and I love it all.  One of my favorite things is a little, plastic, star-shaped container filled with colorful sand.  It sits in my kitchen window and has been in my possession for roughly 4 years.  In each of the four homes we've lived in during that time period it has been on display in my kitchen.  To anyone else it would not be worth a penny, but to me it is priceless; it's a memory.  It represents something to me;  it reminds me of the first time I took Samuel and Micah somewhere alone.  It may sound silly to some of you, but when you're a single mom the majority of the time (mainly when your husband is on sea duty) it takes courage to pack the kids up and head out  to do something fun.  Samuel was 2 1/2 and Micah was around 6 months old, I had gone to the grocery store and done things I had to do, but this trip was for fun and with a baby that screamed most of the time, fun was hard to come by.  I did it though;  I strapped Micah in the stroller, took Samuel by the hand and we went to a neighborhood block party of sorts.  Samuel filled that star with sand and to this day it represents courage to me. You see, at that point in my life it took a ton of courage to get me to do something like that...alone, not knowing anyone there.  Sam had fun that day, and that fact alone was worth all the anxiousness fluttering inside of me; it took strength and courage for me to walk through the crowd with Micah screaming the whole way.  That star is one of the treasures that I hold dear; when I get anxious about lugging my three boys somewhere, and when I think about having to chase Jude all over the place, I remember that day and I ask God for the courage and strength to see me through. 
We have quite a few treasures throughout our house, just like my star, that help me to recall specific times in my life;  I also have quite a few treasures in my heart that do the same.  Psalm 119:11 says, "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you."  I love the picture of "hiding" something in my heart.  It's like a secret treasure that I can take out and look at whenever I need comfort.  Throughout my bible I have dates and names next to verses to remind me of times when someone has impacted my life with them, or when I've shared them with someone else, or when God has just hit me over the head with one of His truths and opened my eyes to something new.  These treasures are of more worth then my earthly treasures;  I love my star and all of the other things in my home, but my house could burn down someday, or the movers could lose a box or two (it's been known to happen!) and my things would be gone...but the treasures in my heart, no one can take away.  I praise God that while the things of earth are temporary, He is eternal. 
What do you treasure? 

Dead Batteries

This weekend we decided to try something we have been talking about for a while.  On Saturday afternoon we picked up our rental camper and headed out to the beach for a fun-filled family camping experience.  We have started becoming very "outdoorsy" lately, and for those of you who don't know me...I'm not really an outdoors kind of girl.  I'm getting adventerous though, so I was up to the challenge. 
Overall, it was a pretty good night.  I won't talk about the fact that I have a yet-to-be-treated sinus infection, or about the trials of keeping an 18 month old away from our fire and out of other campsites, or  about our 5 year old screaming ALL NIGHT LONG with a stomach ache from eating 4 hot dogs right before bedtime....no, those are memories I will keep to myself...instead I'll tell you about our journey home. 
After we packed up our campsite, we returned the trailer to the rental office and started heading home.  My husband and I were exhausted, and the kids were bouncing off the walls.  We decided that Cory would drop me and two of the boys off at home to get cleaned up and ready for rest time while he and Micah would grab some lunch and bring it home.  An hour later, the five of us were sitting in the parking lot of a strip mall waiting on a tow truck;  the trailer had had apparently drained our truck's battery completely (though we didn't REALLY know yet that that was all it was).  We tried jumper cables, but it was gone, and not being car people we weren't quite sure what to do...there's a reason we pay for roadside assistance...  Since we weren't sure what was wrong with it, we told the driver to tow it to the dealership a couple of towns over;  we would have to wait until they opened on Monday, but what else were we going to do? 
To my surprise, the driver turned out to be a really nice guy who offered to help us out.  He attempted to jump it, and while it didn't work there were some indications that it may just be a dead battery.  He offered to tow it to a local store that sold batteries and help my husband install it to see if that's all it was.   If not, he would then tow it to the dealership.  He didn't have to do any of it, he could have just put it on his truck and towed it, but he saw us...exhausted with three children, loaded down with camping equiptment...and he chose to help us out.  The new battery worked;  we were saved a great deal of time and money just because someone went out of their way to help us.  In case you are thinking he made more money by doing the extra work, rest assured, he didn't; he was just a nice guy doing a nice thing.  I love his example, and I wish we saw that  more in our world today. 
I can see my heart as a dead battery sometimes.  I go through periods of time when it is just drained from stress, heart ache, doubt and fear;  in those moments God always seems to send just the right person my way to come along side of me and help me replace the old dead feelings for new joy.  In 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 it says, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."  This is such a beautiful picture of passing on God's love, one to another. 
I can think of very specific times in my life when someone (sometimes a friend, family member, or a complete stranger) has come beside me to bring comfort and understanding.  I am so thankful for those who have stepped in at just the right time;  I think of when I was 18 sitting in my boyfriend's car crying and struggling with a decision, a woman knocked on the window to ask for directions...she saw my tears and spoke words that 15 years later still ring in my ears.  I think of the girl I barely knew from my church in Florida who called me 8 years ago to tell me her heartbreaking story of loss in order to bring comfort and hope into what I thought was a hopeless situation.  I think of my cousin and his wife who have faithfully answered every question and comforted me in my fears as my husband and I were walking the same road they did a few years earlier.  In everything, it takes someone who has walked the road you are walking to give you just the comfort you need for your journey.  Someone who has never experienced what you are walking through can sympathize and try to understand, but it's the person who has been in the same trenches you are in who can help you through them.  That's the way God designed it;  He brings comfort to our lives, walks us through our troubles so that we can then pass it on to someone else He brings into our lives.  We were meant to take care of each other, to comfort each other with the comfort He gives us.  We are not meant to spout off and speak of things we know nothing about, but rather we are meant to wisely come along side someone and overflow onto them the comfort and love that God has given us. 
Our tow truck driver was a nice guy who unknowingly illustrated to me God's plan of passing things on.  As I watched him walk my husband through changing the truck's battery, and as I watch my husband eargerly learn from this stranger, I understood a little more about why it's so important to be open to community.  Our world is full of people who look out only for themselves, and it's full of people (like me) who are sometimes afraid to share what God has given them with others, but our mission, our calling, is to pass it on...to give the gift away.  I am so thankful for those who have given the gift of comfort to me.  Think of those who have given it to you...and pass it on.

Doubt

During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake.  When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. 
"It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.
 But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage!  It is I.  Don't be afraid."
 "Lord if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
 "Come," he said. 
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.
 "You of little faith,"  he said, "why did you doubt?"  Matthew 14:25-31


This account of Jesus walking on water took place right after he fed the 5000 with five loaves and  two fish.  He had just performed this miracle, healed the sick, comforted the people and then sent them all home for the night.  He told his disciples to get in a boat and head toward the other side of the lake;  he needed to be alone, to pray.  When he was finished, it was late, and the boat was nearly to the other side.  Jesus stepped out,  and started walking towards them.  He didn't walk around the edge of the lake, he walked straight across it;  the quickest way between two points is a straight line.  He was going to meet them where they were and he didn't want to take longer than necessary.  He wanted to be with them, so only as he could, he performed yet another miracle and walked on water. 
Even though the disciples had just left him and they were expecting to see him soon, they were not prepared to see him walking on the water as they did.  Funny, even after everything Jesus had done up to that point, they were still fearful.  They "cried out in fear".  If I could add my own commentary to the bible I feel as though I would say something like, "Seriously guys?  You're right there walking with Jesus every day...how in the world could you still be afraid of anything???"  In fact, in chapter 15, Jesus actually says, "Are you still so dull??", as they ask him to explain again the meaning of a parable he had been teaching.  I almost feel as though Jesus could have said the same in this moment of their fear...  He didn't though.  What he did was "immediately" comfort them.  He "immediately" announced that it was him and told them not to be afraid. 
Peter then asks Jesus to prove it is actually him.  Jesus tells Peter to walk towards him, but as Peter does he again is gripped with fear and doubt;  the winds are strong, and he is out in the middle of a lake walking on water...it sounds impossible, doesn't it?  Alone, I would say Peter had every reason to be scared, but he's out there with Jesus, so why be afraid?  As Peter begins to sink, he cries out to Jesus to save him.  The verse says "immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him".  Then Jesus looks at Peter and asks him why he would doubt. 
I know for me, I read these accounts of the disciples' doubts and fears and sometimes I have a hard time understanding how they could be fearful of anything when Jesus was literally by their side.  I get this feeling that if Jesus was sitting right next to me when I got the worst news of my life, or if I saw him physically walking next to my son as he entered school every day somehow I would have no doubts, no fears.  If I daily saw Jesus perform miracle after miracle, there's no way I would have a shred of uncertainty in my body;  I would say with completely and total confidence, "Jesus' got this one.  I am not afraid of what this world throws at me". 
Here's the catch though:  I am just like the disciples.  No, Jesus is not here in his physical body, but he is here.  No, he wasn't sitting next to me in bodily form when my baby's heart stopped beating, but when I accepted him as my savior he gave me his spirit and promised to walk with me through everything.  No, I don't physically see him as Sam gets out of my car and walks into his public elementary school each morning, but I pray over Sam everyday, and Jesus does walk with him.  I am just like the disciples because my God, my Jesus, is here with me and I am still filled doubt. 
The amazing thing is that just as he "immediately" comforted and rescued his disciples when they called out to him, he does the same for me;  when I need him to save me, he reaches out his hand and catches me,  and each time he gently asks me, "why did you doubt?"