As far back as I can remember my mom has been urging me to keep a journal of events in my life. From my horrible junior high school years, through all of the boy drama of high school, to married, military life and now through the life of my children....I've heard, "You should be writing this down!". I have tried and failed repeatedly. On our bookshelf and through numerous yet-to-be-unpacked boxes you will find evidence of my attempts at journal keeping; there are beautifully bound journals all over my house, some completely blank, and some with just the first few pages filled in. Always though, it ends up being a short lived dream and the journals retire to the shelf, sentenced to a life of dust collecting. It is sad for me to think that someday my children will go through my things and only have a small portion of my life story to read about. I am envious of those "journaling" people who leave a legacy for future generations to read, but it's just not my strength.
Another thing that is not a strength of mine is prayer. I'm terrible at it, and I always have been. Certainly there are times when I have urgently prayed for people and situations and I have felt confident in my sincerity and in God's hearing those prayers, but on a daily basis, a "prayer warrior" I am not. So when people talk about prayer journals, it's a double no-no for me.
Several months ago a friend challenged my to write down parts of my character that I want to "put off"...things that I want to change about myself. It is sometimes hard to think about weaknesses and to own up to them enough to write them down on paper. I decided that prayer is probably my number one weakness; I get distracted and often the fog of life that fills my head is so dense I feel as though my prayers can't break through the cloud. It's a problem. So number one on my list: I want to learn how to pray, and I want to stop being so distracted. The challenge is to find an answer to that problem through reading God's word, and seeking God's help to find a new character to "put on"; this is where real change happens.
Funny enough, the sermon at church yesterday was on prayer. The speaker focused on the Lord's prayer and how it is an outline to teach us how to pray. I've heard the basic message before and it wasn't particularly revolutionary for me, but something he said struck me and I really liked it...I'm going to put it into my own words here...basically he said that prayer isn't something you do when you get to a place of peace and quiet, prayer is something you do throughout the journey; it is something to continually do each step of the way. I like that image because often I don't have time to stop the world around me and lock myself off in a perfectly quiet, peaceful place; he was saying that even in the midst of my crazy life all God wants from me is to keep the conversation going.
The thing is, this works differently for each of us. There are many books on prayer, on how to pray and what to pray, and I'm sure most are very good; the key is to find what works for you and to apply it with vigor. This has been my problem for a long time: nothing has really worked for me and I always seem to lose the motivation to keep practicing whatever method of prayer I was trying. Enter in my friend's challenge, my writing down my weakness, my surrendering it to God, and God's amazing way of changing things when we allow Him to.
I was struck this week by the book of Psalms. I've read Psalms my whole life, but what got me this time was that David wrote these...it's like his personal prayer journal that I get a read and learn from. He describes God beautifully, he praises His name and calls on Him to help in all situations. Some psalms are about being discouraged and feeling like God has turned His back on him, some are all about God's creation, and some speak about God being his refuge; I love that I get a glimpse into the heart of this man that walked with God. That is such a gift for me; I told God I wanted to "put off" my weakness in prayer and His answer to me was to consider David and how David poured his soul into words that I can read today.
"Putting on" new character takes time and practice; it also takes a method that works for you. I was blessed to have a friend introduce me to a journal called Establishing God's Peace (egpministries.com); it works for me and it is teaching me how to pray. I have failed at journaling time and time again, but this method gives me a structure to follow, and as the title suggests I am establishing peace like I've never felt before.
I do recommend the EGP journal, but I'm not writing about it to sell journals for them. I'm writing because I was encouraged to seek change, to recognize a weakness that was coming between me and my God, and to do something about it. What do you need to surrender? Where does your weakness lie and are you willing to write down and hand it over? God is ready to help you "put off" the parts of your character that hinder your relationship with Him and He has exactly what you need to "put on" ready and available whenever you open your heart to it. It take practice and willingness to change, but the joy and peace it brings is well worth it.
I wish I had David's beautiful words that paint such a glorious picture of God, and I wish that I had his words to call out to God in times when I feel abandoned and afraid; my words seem plain, inelegant and clumsy at times, but God doesn't ask us for perfection in prayer. He takes what we offer and makes it glorious when it comes from a heart surrendering itself to Him. He is with us through the journey and whatever method of prayer I use, He's there listening.
"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You made him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet: all flocks and herds, and the beasts of the field, the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas. O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!"
Psalm 8: 3-9
No comments:
Post a Comment