Doubt

During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake.  When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. 
"It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.
 But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage!  It is I.  Don't be afraid."
 "Lord if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
 "Come," he said. 
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.
 "You of little faith,"  he said, "why did you doubt?"  Matthew 14:25-31


This account of Jesus walking on water took place right after he fed the 5000 with five loaves and  two fish.  He had just performed this miracle, healed the sick, comforted the people and then sent them all home for the night.  He told his disciples to get in a boat and head toward the other side of the lake;  he needed to be alone, to pray.  When he was finished, it was late, and the boat was nearly to the other side.  Jesus stepped out,  and started walking towards them.  He didn't walk around the edge of the lake, he walked straight across it;  the quickest way between two points is a straight line.  He was going to meet them where they were and he didn't want to take longer than necessary.  He wanted to be with them, so only as he could, he performed yet another miracle and walked on water. 
Even though the disciples had just left him and they were expecting to see him soon, they were not prepared to see him walking on the water as they did.  Funny, even after everything Jesus had done up to that point, they were still fearful.  They "cried out in fear".  If I could add my own commentary to the bible I feel as though I would say something like, "Seriously guys?  You're right there walking with Jesus every day...how in the world could you still be afraid of anything???"  In fact, in chapter 15, Jesus actually says, "Are you still so dull??", as they ask him to explain again the meaning of a parable he had been teaching.  I almost feel as though Jesus could have said the same in this moment of their fear...  He didn't though.  What he did was "immediately" comfort them.  He "immediately" announced that it was him and told them not to be afraid. 
Peter then asks Jesus to prove it is actually him.  Jesus tells Peter to walk towards him, but as Peter does he again is gripped with fear and doubt;  the winds are strong, and he is out in the middle of a lake walking on water...it sounds impossible, doesn't it?  Alone, I would say Peter had every reason to be scared, but he's out there with Jesus, so why be afraid?  As Peter begins to sink, he cries out to Jesus to save him.  The verse says "immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him".  Then Jesus looks at Peter and asks him why he would doubt. 
I know for me, I read these accounts of the disciples' doubts and fears and sometimes I have a hard time understanding how they could be fearful of anything when Jesus was literally by their side.  I get this feeling that if Jesus was sitting right next to me when I got the worst news of my life, or if I saw him physically walking next to my son as he entered school every day somehow I would have no doubts, no fears.  If I daily saw Jesus perform miracle after miracle, there's no way I would have a shred of uncertainty in my body;  I would say with completely and total confidence, "Jesus' got this one.  I am not afraid of what this world throws at me". 
Here's the catch though:  I am just like the disciples.  No, Jesus is not here in his physical body, but he is here.  No, he wasn't sitting next to me in bodily form when my baby's heart stopped beating, but when I accepted him as my savior he gave me his spirit and promised to walk with me through everything.  No, I don't physically see him as Sam gets out of my car and walks into his public elementary school each morning, but I pray over Sam everyday, and Jesus does walk with him.  I am just like the disciples because my God, my Jesus, is here with me and I am still filled doubt. 
The amazing thing is that just as he "immediately" comforted and rescued his disciples when they called out to him, he does the same for me;  when I need him to save me, he reaches out his hand and catches me,  and each time he gently asks me, "why did you doubt?"