I love remembering my grandparents. My grandfather was gruff and my grandmother was slightly flighty, but they loved me and they loved each other. I have so many memories from times spent with them; they passed away over five years ago and I miss them very much. One of my favorite stories of them happened towards the end of my grandmother's life. They had decided to get rid of their old love seat and replace it with two brand new recliners; the idea was that they could sit comfortable in their living room with their feet up. The problem was that they weren't comfortable; sitting in separate chairs meant they weren't sitting next to each other. They only had the recliners a short time before they traded them with my aunt for her love seat. You see, they wanted to sit next to each and hold hands.
I love this picture of love. I love that they so desired to be close to each other that they couldn't stand to sit three feet away, not holding hands. God created a husband and wife to love each other like that. In Matthew 19:5-6 it says, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one."
I'm not saying that we shouldn't have differences, or that we can't disagree on things from time to time, but ultimately we should stick together and face life side by side. I love the movie Fireproof where one of the firefighters is talking to Kurt Cameron's character about marriage. He describes it like salt and pepper. He talks about how they are completely different textures and flavors...they are made of completely different things, but you always see them together. He then takes some glue and glues this plastic set of salt and pepper shakers together; Kurt Cameron goes to break it apart and the guy says, "Don't do it. If you tear them apart you destroy one or both of them." Marriage was meant to be forever; "for better or worse" shouldn't be just words we say...it's a covenant we enter into.
In Matthew 19 the Pharisees are trying to test Jesus, so they ask Him about divorce. They ask why Moses allowed divorce, and Jesus answers in verse 8, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning." Jesus understood that sin had entered the world and permeated through all aspects of life, including marriage. Things happen in marriages that are overwhelming sometimes, choices are made, and one or both in the marriage desire to part...it's real and it happens all the time. What Jesus is saying is that it wasn't like that in the beginning ... that's not the way God intended for it to be. When people's hearts harden towards each other (and really towards God), divorce is there...but what if we don't harden our hearts?
In Matthew 19:11 Jesus says, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it's been given." In verse 12 He says, "The one who can accept this should accept it." See, sometimes it's not in our power to stay in a marriage, sometimes situations are dangerous and you have to get out, but sometimes it is in our power to stay. If you truly turn to God and ask Him to show you what His answer is, maybe He'll give it to you, and in that moment He'll give you the strength and show you His way through whatever you're going through.
I'm not an expert, and I know that today sin runs rampant in homes all around the world. I understand in a very real way the hopelessness of a dying marriage. Jesus says that it's not way God wants it to be...all I'm saying is that maybe if you turn to the creator of marriage and ask for help and guidance, maybe your answers will come.
My husband and I have a couch that has reclining chairs on both ends with a non-reclining chair in the middle. For a long time while we were going through our tough days, we would sit on either end...neither one of us compromising and moving to the middle. We weren't connected, we both wanted to be comfortable, and we allowed that three feet to sit between us. Recently we rearranged our living room; our love seat is now where the couch used to be. Both seats recline, we can both be comfortable, but there's no space in between; I love this picture of love: side by side, holding hands, no distance in between. After everything that happened between us, we could have chosen to divorce, but in the end one or both of us would have been destroyed. Instead, we let God in and suddenly our marriage didn't seem so hopeless.
If you're not connecting with you spouse maybe you need rearrange a little bit. Have you let some space come between you? Have you compromised lately? Have you turned to God for answers? Don't wait until it's too late...don't let your heart harden...don't get comfortable on your recliner...stay connected.
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