My New Beginning

I just dropped my 6 year old off at school.  I had to bake two cakes last night for the school's carnival today.  I had to deliver said cakes this morning...which meant I actually had to get dressed before driving him to school.  I also had to wrangle my 17 month old into some clean clothes and remind my 5 year old 15 times to stay on task and put on something other than Perry the Platypus pajamas.  The dishwasher is running, I have a load of laundry going, Jude is yelling at Micah and I can here the faint muffling of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse in the background.  I have made 3 breakfasts, made 3 beds and found time to make myself some coffee...though I haven't found the time to drink it yet.  It's only 8:30am.  I'm a mom.  I'm busy...though admittedly not as busy as some.  In recent months I have cut down on quite a few activities that filled my time and turned my focus away from my true priorities.  
Eight months ago after several years of teetering on the edge, it became very clear that my marriage was all but over.  In my foggy state of shock, all of the fluff that  had seemed so important  for so long suddenly didn't seem important at all anymore.  Everything faded except God, my husband and my children.  In a matter of two months, my life changed completely; I believe God allows crisis in our lives to bring about needed change.  I believe God wanted me to get back to the essentials, to find peace and purpose in Him, and in the husband and family he gave me.  I couldn't change my husband's heart, I couldn't rewind and start over on a different path, but I could adjust my thinking, my reactions and rely on God to see me through. 
Making decisions is hard.  You go one way, you make one person happy, you go the other way, you make everyone else happy...in the end you have to listen to your own heart and fortunately God lives in mine, so my decisions are His (and His are the best!).  I chose to fight for our marriage; I chose forgiveness and love over anger and fear.  I chose not to walk away when things got tough; I chose to honor the commitment I made to the man I married 11 years ago...for better or for worse. 
 Rebuilding something that has been broken is a process that doesn't happen overnight.  There are many delicate pieces that fit together just so, and many layers to graph back together to make it whole again;  it's slow, but we're getting there. 
I've learned many lessons in the past 8 months...I've learned that love, true love, can honestly overcome anything.  I've learned that God is more than capable of blessing you with overwhelming strength and forgiveness when you stay connected to Him (the key in that is STAYING CONNECTED!).  I've learned not to take my husband for granted; I am learning how to put my agenda aside and how to be the helper God made me to be for him.  I have learned not to nag, not to expect perfection and to appreciate the little things.  I have learned that I need friends and family, but that they are not a substitute for God (their advice is given out of love, but it is often worldly and jaded because of that love).  Ultimately through it all God has been teaching me to be a better Christian...it's as simple as that.  My job is to glorify Him and to be His light in this world and it is by walking through His refining fire that I am able to better do that. 
I have bad days from time to time.  I have days when the darkness seeps through the broken pieces of my heart and threatens to flood every part of me.  I have days when I am disconnected from my Savior and I panic in moments of fear and uncertainty.  On those days, in those moments, my God, my Savior is there waiting to rescue me, but I have to look to Him;  I have to ask Him to bring me back into His light.  I have learned that God is not pushy;  He is ever present, but we have a clear choice to live in His light or skulk in the darkness.  If you have ever truly felt the warmth of His light, the darkness is not an option. 
In Psalm 5:3 David exclaims, "In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation."  I go before God each morning...in the midst of the craziness of school shuttling, breakfasts, fighting, laundry and dishes, I have learned to sit, to lay my requests before God and to wait patiently in expectation for what He is going to do. 
If you haven't given priority to staying connected to God don't wait for a crisis to bring about change...start today!  It's a great day for a new beginning;  shake off everything that really doesn't matter and get back to the essentials.