My Unbalanced Life

It has been two and half months since my husband left on deployment;  we are not half way through, and the summer lays at my feet.  Up until this point, the time has been flying by.  We were evacuated during the wildfire that burned some 24,000 acres of land out here in California. Our house was not damaged, but the fire did reach the base we live on, burning about 300 acres of grassland. 
Shortly after this bit of excitement, we needed leave our house again.  This time for fumigation.  Our house was tented for three days in order to eliminate the dry wood termites that had literally started coming through the walls of our master bathroom. 
The week after that fun, I found myself squarely in the middle of a fight with the school department;  lobbying to allow Samuel back in for the 2013-2014 school year.  With a great number of tears, some sweaty palm moments, amazing support from the staff at his school, and a face to face meeting with the superintendent, I successfully negotiated the terms that would allow him entrance back into school. 

During all of this I kept thinking, "God, I know I have been praying for time to speed by...but this?  Does it have to be this way?" 

With the start of summer, life has slowed down for us quite a bit.  It was pointed out to me today that I have not posted anything in a while.  It's not that I don't think about it, or that I haven't been learning new things that I am eager to share.  It's just that honestly, I have been living a very unbalanced life. 

It's taken a long time to get to this point, but at this moment in time I can say without hesitation that my husband and I are one.  We are a team;  we have the same goal in mind, and we know that God has given us to each other to walk together, and to grow together, and to journey together down the specific road that He has laid out for us.  The problem is that half of my team is on a ship, or perhaps in an airplane, quite literally on the other side of the world. 

I want to pause here and say that I am so proud of Cory, and the guys that are out there with him.  Being here in our own country with our day to day lives, the comfortable, and the sometimes monotonous lives we live...we can easily forget that there are men and women (at this very moment!) flying missions, or standing duty, or guarding somebody somewhere, all in an effort to keep us safe...to keep us living our comfortable lives.  Those men and women have families, they have children, like our 3 amazing boys, and they are missing them...badly...so please never forget to be thankful for their sacrifices, and for their protection of your freedom. 

I think I have said it before, but when we are apart it is very much like living a half of a life; it's like walking on unsteady ground;  you're never quite sure if or when you're going to fall, and you don't quite understand where the strength comes to get up when you do...but it's there...it has to be.  It's unbalanced;  it's often one sided, and it's a constant giving of yourself.  It's a difficult time, but difficult times often result in growth of character, and so I'm kind of okay with difficult.

I have a dear friend who has shared with me her motto for this deployment, "to not just survive, but to thrive". 

I often am guilty of looking at our military life as one of survival;  the thought of thriving is hard when you are in the trenches;  when everyday you are mom and dad.  When your heart is heavy, and you feel alone, you can start to wish the days away.  You can start to tell yourself all sort of things;  your patience goes, your frustration rises, and your heart breaks with loneliness, and longing for your husband...for the daddy your children miss.  In your heart you can start to think, "This will never end."  Hopelessness can set in.  In those moments, what do you do?  Is thriving permanently out of reach when your balance goes, and uncertainty seems the course of the day?  Where can it be found when your two year old wakes up screaming at 3am, your 6 year old cries with leg pains at 4am, and then everyone is up at 6am, and the day starts out in defeat? 

It can be found in the One who is able to energize even the most exhausted of mommies and daddies.  It can be found in the Healer, the Restorer; the One who helps us in our weaknesses.  When we surrender the need to "survive", and we ask for the strength to "thrive" suddenly our half of a life starts to feel a little more full.  After all, He is the Filler, and the Grower;  the only One who can give balance to my very unbalanced life. 

I read a verse this week that has spoken to my heart:  1 John 3:20, "...For God is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything." 

I think so often we (I) skate along on the thin ice of survival.  I know I need help but my weak heart forgets to ask.  I get so focused on the next step, and the next step, and the next step, trying so hard not to fall through.  If only...only when...I ask for a firm footing...God tells me, "I am greater than your weak heart.  I know you are frail.  I know you need me.  Come to me."  And I am set right again. 

It's a daily process.  A daily choice.  It's not just for me, but for you too.  The unbalance in my life is deployment...yours is most certainly something different.  In everything though:  God is greater than your heart.  Bigger than your fears.  Stronger than your weakness.  And available anytime we come to Him.  Need some balance?  Just ask. 

Call Me Mara

 

 

"Don't call me Naomi," she told them.  "Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter.  I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty.  Why call me Naomi?  The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me."  Ruth 1:20-21

 

 

 

 

I love listening to the music channels on our television.  Whether we are just hanging out, eating dinner, or cleaning the house there is almost always music playing in the background.  Samuel, the Beatles fan that he is, prefers the 60's station; Micah, looking up to his big brother, prefers whatever Samuel prefers, and I love listening the contemporary Christian channel.  We alternate between between those two, and throw in some classical jazz and malt shop oldies when we need some variety in our lives. 

A few months ago while listening the Christian station, I realized that our boys don't really know the worship songs, or even the kids' Sunday school songs that my husband and I grew up singing.  This struck me as being very sad, and it has pushed me to introduce them to the songs that meant, and still mean, so much to me.

In the car we have been listening to a CD of children's bible songs, and slowly I'm starting to hear them sing along;  little voices drifting up to my ears from the backseat.  Even Jude is beginning to have his favorites, and when they are over he yells out, "TRY AGAIN!! TRY AGAIN!!". 

One of the songs on this particular CD is Father Abraham.  How many hundreds of times have I sang this song in my life?  "Father Abraham has many sons;  many sons has Father Abraham.  I am one of them and so are you, so let's all praise the Lord...". 

After about the tenth time hearing the chorus of children sing about Father Abraham, Samuel calls up from backseat, "Mommy, that song just doesn't make sense!  Abraham didn't have 'many sons';  he only had one son, Isaac.  It just doesn't make sense."

 

Ahhh, Samuel...my son who knows every story in his Children's Story Bible. 

 

I turn the music down, and begin to explain the promise that God made to Abraham; I talk to him about Sara, who is old and who doesn't believe she can really have a child;  I tell him about Hagar and Ishmael.  When I'm done he says, "That story isn't in my bible...why would that story not be in my bible???" 

So we talk about Sunday school stories verses the real bible stories.  I tell him that sometimes the real stories aren't so pretty;  the kid stories are meant to introduce children to God, and His story, but the real bible tells it all...good and bad.  "After all Sam," I say, "life is not always so pretty...things aren't always pleasant.  There is pain in this world, evil.  It can be scary and overwhelming." 

 

Micah pipes up, "I don't understand Mommy.  Why was it bad?"

Before I even realize it, the words come out of my mouth, "How would we feel if Daddy had another family with another Mommy?"

"No!" Micah yells, "That can't happen..we can't let that happen.."

"No, we wouldn't let that happen," I say.

 

And then Samuel, deep in thought over this new found knowledge speaks up, "Mommy, I want my bible to have the good and the bad stories...I want to know them all."

 

"That's because you're getting older Sam," I say, "With maturity we are able to handle the good and the bad, the pretty and the ugly...we can start to see how God works through it all..."

 

 

When Cory and I married, I chose two verses to cling to; to apply to our marriage, our marriage of separation and reunion, our marriage of constant moving and change.  I chose Ruth 1:16-17, "Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.  Your people will be my people and your God my God.  Where you die I will die, and there I will by buried.  May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me."

I love the story of Ruth.  Her love for, and faithfulness to her mother in law, Naomi, is amazing;  her determination to fulfill the commitment she made when she married Naomi's son...even after his death...is a true example of Godly love and strength.  She left her family, her people, and set off on an journey to a new land;  two women in search of their place in the world.  Ruth is all in;  there is no hesitation within her as she follows each and every direction Naomi gives her, save leaving Naomi at the onset of the story. 

 

I've read it, I know it, I love it, but there's more...  This is how I know the bible is "living and active": each time I go back and read the stories again, God reveals more of Himself to me.  I see things I have never seen before;  another layer peels back, and I get a little closer to the Center, to Him. 

 

There's another story.   After all, there are two women, and while the book is called Ruth, and much of it focuses on her pledge to Naomi, and her acts of living that pledge out, Naomi's story is there too. 

Naomi, who lost her husband and her two sons; Naomi, with a  name that means "pleasant", finds herself in a not so pleasant situation.  She is alone, she has passed the age of remarrying, she is at her lowest; her security is gone.  She starts out heading back to her homeland with two young women in tow, on the road she turns to them, and you can feel the desperation in her words, the depression, the hopelessness as she urges them to just leave her.  There is no reason for them to suffer, no reason for them not remarry and stay with their people;  "Return home, my daughters.  Why would you come with me?  Am I going to have any more sons, who could become your husbands?  Return home, my daughters; I am too old to have another husband...No, my daughters.  It is more bitter for me than for you because the Lord's hand has gone out against me!"

 

One turns back, but the other...she stays;  she will not be dissuaded.  Naomi, seeing that her pleading will not change Ruth's mind stopped talking and continued on;  maybe she thought, "why would this girl stay with me?  Silly girl...I have nothing to offer her."

 

As the women arrive in Bethlehem, the bible says "the whole town was stirred because of them" (vs 19).  The people want to know if it's really Naomi; after all of this time could it really be her?  Why is she home? 

 

This is where Naomi says, "Don't call me Naomi (pleasant)," she told them.  "Call me Mara (meaning bitter) because the Almighty has made my life very bitter.  I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty.  Why call me Naomi?  The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me." 

She's a woman who is hurt, she's a woman who has seemingly lost everything; not blessed, not full, but empty and afflicted.  "Call me Bitter," she says, "why would you call me Pleasant?  My God has punished me, and I am spent, gone, hopeless."

 

At this I stop, and I realize that the story of Ruth is not complete without the story of Naomi; they are two halves of a whole.  Pain and bitterness, birthed from loss and fear, coupled with resolve and love born from a bond of commitment and trust that refuses to be broken;  this is the stuff of life, the beautiful and the wretched. 

 

You should take a minute to read the story of Ruth and Naomi, even if you  have read it and reread it before.  It's a beautiful story of redemption, of relationship.  At the beginning Naomi tells her friends  that she is bitter, and in the end they again call her pleasant;  it's a story about how God's plans are bigger than ours, and how pain and bitterness can pave the way for redemption and salvation. 

 

There have been times in my life that I have screamed out, "Call me Mara!...the Lord has afflicted me...";  the best part about my story is that God has shown me each step of the way that suffering always gives birth to new hope when we completely trust in Him. 

 

Maturity brings about the willingness to accept the good and the bad, the pretty and the ugly;  it opens our eyes, one layer at a time, to Him, to His work, our Weaver, our Giver of Life. 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 



Gone

I laid in my bed this morning listening the incessant noise blaring from the toy keyboard my two year old was playing with.  My heart was beating fast as if I had already had three cups of coffee, but the only thing racing through my body at that moment was fear. My heart was beating with the anxiousness that comes with suddenly being a single mother of three.  The deployment that has twice been delayed is now upon us.  The tearful goodbye came last night; the boys and I went to bed with blurry eyes and sinking hearts. 
I awoke this morning with that empty feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I spied the mason jar on my dresser filled with Hershey's kisses.  The tag on the jar promises me a kiss for each day my husband is away;  how I wish those wrappers held the sweetness that can only come from him. 
My mission for the day:  wash, dry, fold, and put away clothes that will not be touched for months.  Do I leave his shoes by the door as a remembrance that he is still with us in spirit?  Or do I put them away in the darkness of the closet, warm and snuggled with the rest of his belongings, in order to guard my heart from the loneliness that the sight of empty shoes can bring?  The closet is calling... 
I will clean the bathroom, clean the refrigerator, and make the beds;  I will attempt to put order into that which has been torn apart.   When we lose (even temporarily) a part of our bodies...of what makes us who we are...we suffer.  We adapt to fit this new half life, all the while knowing that we won't feel full again until he returns. 
I woke up this morning with a real understanding that, as of last night, my husband is gone. 

Let the count down begin...

Deployment is not something we chose;  the military life is not something anyone looks longingly at, and says, "I wish my life was that easy...".  No, it's hard.  It puts strains on families that no can understand unless they've lived it themselves.  It's a unique bitter sweetness that mixes pride with pain, and develops in the individuals involved strength and perseverance.  In many ways life in the military reflects that of life as a Christ follower;  there are ups and downs, pains and joys, separations and homecomings.  Sometimes we stay strong, and sometimes we fall on our faces, but in the end we look toward the goal and we ask for the strength to keep moving forward. 

Months from now, the boys and I will be anxiously pacing in a hangar waiting to hear the tell-tale sound of planes flying over head.  We'll see them race by in formation each breaking off, one at a time, to land.  They will line up on the runway, and on cue each will shut down their engines.  There will be a pause, a few beats of hearts about to burst, and then slowly the first boot will appear on the steps.  Within seconds we'll be running out to meet them, our flight suit clad husbands and daddies, and pain will turn to joy in an instant.  In some ways, the separation is the worth the reunion. 

This is the fifth big deployment in our almost 12 year marriage (this in no way counts the months of training, schools, etc., that have separated us in the times between deployments), but as I reflect upon my life I'm starting to think about the "deployments" I have taken in my walk of faith.  How many times have I said goodbye to my Savior, to my Father, in order to go out into the world on my own.  These deployments most often happen by choice, by the systematic removal of God from my everyday life.  Sometimes they catch my by surprise;  I walk along, suddenly look up, and the air goes out of my lungs as I realize He's gone... 
These deployments, being that they are of our own making, can be however long we chose for them to be;  they can be intense, or mild, life defining, priority adjusting, view changing, or heart hardening.  The thing about these kind of deployments is that God is never really gone from our lives;  He is with us always, and it is we who leave, we who start believe the lie that life is about more than following Him.  He allows us to go through these times, to see the world, and to feel the pain that comes from separation.  When we turn back to Him, His glory races through the clouds above us, and He lands before us revealing the beauty and sweetness of who He is;  it is in this moment that we feel the fullness of what we have come through, the sadness and the joy, the fear and the hope, and the ties of love that time and distance cannot break.  These are the moments in our walk with Him that define us. 

Deployments are hard, they are sometimes scary and overwhelming, and they sometimes feel hopeless, but through each day we can gain strength, grow character, and glorify Him as we walk, or sometimes crawl, toward the goal that awaits us. 

Thank God for the deployments and homecomings in your life, for the times that He never left you, and for the times that He once again filled you, and reminded you of what life is really about.  Hold on to the sweetness of those moments...they are water that quenches your soul when the dry times come;  they are they hope that keeps you moving forward. 

"...we glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."  Romans 5:3-5

Praying for Boldness

How many of us compromise on a daily basis? Sometimes compromise is good; if it is done out of love, within marriage for example, compromise does not have to be a bad thing at all. The problem comes in when we start to compromise our integrity; when we start to "give in" just a little, and end up saying yes to things when we really should be saying no.

Looking back on this past weekend alone, several instances come to mind in which I compromised who I am, and what I claim to stand for. They were just small things, seemingly insignificant, but quickly those "small things" can add up to one big compromise, and we can soon discover that what we claim is important to us doesn't come across as important at all to those around us.

I recently read a book that has really challenged the way I look at my life and my priorities. The book is titled How Will You Measure Your Life? by Clayton Christensen, James Allworth, and Karen Dillon. The three authors are incredibly intelligent; Clayton Christensen is a professor at Harvard Business School, James Allworth a graduate of Harvard Business School, and Karen Dillon is the former editor of the Harvard Business Review...extremely intelligent people. In my reading of the book, sometimes my tired mommy brain had a hard time wrapping itself around the concepts discussed in it, but it was fascinating nonetheless. Toward the end of the book, there's a section about integrity; the question is posed: How can I be sure I live a life of integrity?

I'm not going to give away the whole chapter, but I do want to share two key sentences that have stuck with me, and that keep popping into my mind this week:

Decide what you stand for. And then stand for it all the time.



Those simple yet profound statements have been burned into my mind, and as I mediate on them I have to ask myself: What do I stand for?? And how can I stand for it all the time?? I mean, life is unpredictable, and I am always making compromises...I am someone who doesn't like to ruffle feathers...I am a people pleaser.

In the book, Clay Christensen tells a really interesting story about when he was in college. He was a key player on the college basketball team; the team made it to the championship game, but he soon found out that the game was scheduled to be played on a Sunday. He found himself in a tough situation. You see, at age 16 he had promised God that he would not play basketball on any Sunday. He had to decide between a promise he made to God, and his team who was counting on him to help them win the championship. Ultimately, despite the coach and his teammates' objections, he chose to honor his promise, and did not play in the game. In the end, his team won anyway, and he did not compromise his integrity. He stood for something, and even in the midst of controversy he held firm to it.

This story left me thinking about all of the promises I've broken with God; I compromise all the time. This story prompted me to pray for boldness in my life, for strength to do what this man did, and stick to what I say. God honors faithfulness to Him; man's praise is fleeting, but God...well, our relationship with Him is eternal.

I started reading Philippians this week, and God revealed something really special to me. Paul wrote this letter from prison to the believers in Philippi; he was suffering in jail yet he was encouraging his brothers and sisters. In chapter one verses 27-30 he says this:

"Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved - and that by God. For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him, since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have."

Did you catch what the underlined sentence says? "For it has been granted to you...to suffer for him". This has been given to us: the gift of not just believing in Him, but suffering for Him. Do you see it as a gift? How can someone rejoice in suffering? It's a mystery wrapped fully in the love of Christ; when we suffer for him (whether emotionally through criticism due to unmet expectations of the those around us, or physically like Paul in prison) we can rejoice because to those of us who stand for Him there is so much more to the picture than what we can see. It's hard to stand firm in the face of controversy, pain, and loneliness, but we are never truly alone, and when we choose what we know is right we can hold our head high knowing that we didn't compromise our integrity. God is faithful, and an ever-present help in times of need; we can trust in Him in the midst of any circumstance. We are gifted to suffer for Him, we are granted this incredible privilege; there is joy to be found there.

In the Old Testament I have been reading about Moses passing the responsibility of leading the Israelites to Joshua. Moses laid out all of the laws; he spoke and recorded everything the Israelites needed to know before they crossed the Jordan to enter the land that God was giving to them. When Moses had finished the work God had given him, God then raised up Joshua to be the leader of His people. He said to Joshua: "Be strong and be courageous, for you will bring the Israelites into the land I promised them on oath, and I myself will be with you. (Deuteronomy 31:23)" In fact several times throughout Joshua's story God tells him to "be strong and be courageous...” God was with him as Joshua faithfully served Him and trusted in Him.

God is with us too, and He tells us to be strong and courageous for Him. In 2 Timothy 1:7-9 Paul writes,

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline. So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God who has saved us and called us to a holy life - not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace."

If you feel the Holy Spirit whispering to you, if you have certain convictions that God has laid on your heart, and if you have decided to stand for Him, don't let a bunch of little "give ins" compromise your integrity; stand firm for what you believe in all the time. Pray for boldness, for strength to stand your ground, and trust that the Lord who sees everything will be faithful to you in every situation. You might find yourself in the middle of controversy, you might "let down" your friends, or your coach, and you might wonder if you'll ever "fit in" again, but hear this:  be strong and be courageous. God honors faithfulness in a big way, so if He is what you stand for, stand for Him all the time. 

 



Little Houses

This New Year finds us in a new home.  We're still in beautiful, sunny California, but our address has changed...yet again.  It was a good thing for us;  a better neighborhood, better community, but it made our holiday time a bit stressful, and by the time we fully get adjusted to the new walls surrounding us we will most likely be moving again. 
The giant of a deployment that we were staring at has now shrunk in size, and this January finds Cory still home with us.  This New Year also holds the promise of big changes for our family:  a new job for Cory, a shift in priorities, and a renewed focus on time together as a family.  God has been amazingly faithful to us, and there days I just want to shout from the rooftop my thanks to Him. 

During this latest move, we had to downsize quite a bit.  This new home is about 1000 square feet smaller than the one we were living in just 18 months ago.  Suddenly we are so close together;  privacy is hard to find, and when we're all at home, peace and quiet does not exist. 
I often find the old country song "Little Houses" sung by Doug Stone running through my mind:

 

"Love grows best in little houses with few walls to separate.  When you sit so close together, you can't help but communicate.  If we there were more room between us think of all we'd miss..."

 

 

Yes, it is "cozy" in our new home, but I love it.  There's more talking, more laughing, more loving.  We play games, and go for walks and bike rides; we snuggle on our the love seat because there wasn't room in our new living room for the couch.  We are learning respect, and we are getting to know each other better because there's really no hiding in this house.  It's wonderful.

 

Our house is not the only thing we've downsized this year;  life is easier to live without the physical, material "stuff" cluttering it up, but it's also much easier without the emotional drama of over commitment in our day to day lives.  I've written before about my decision to cut Facebook out of my life, and I still maintain that it was one of the best decisions I've made in a while.  Along with that, I've downsized my relationships, my desire for worldly possessions, and my need to put myself first.  You see, Jesus lives in my heart;  my heart is His home, and if you know Him, the same is true of your heart.  When we fill our hearts and lives up with surface relationships, and "knowledge" resulting from gossip, and all of the other "stuff" that really doesn't matter to the "big picture" of what God has for us, we soon find ourselves living in mansion of nonsense with walls separating us from our Savior.  His love grows best when we are sitting close to Him, and when we walk and talk with Him on a consistent basis;  adding "stuff" just makes us miss out on the fullness of Him.  Why would we want to do that? 

 

I've been trying to teach our boys that life is more than video games, TV, friends, Legos, etc., etc.;  I've started saying, "The world doesn't revolve around _____________ (fill in the blank)".  It's funny when they turn around and say the same thing to me when I start obsessing about something.  We are learning as a family that our lives are to revolve around God, and around His love and His leading.  We may "miss out" on something our friends do, or be seen as "uncool", but our world doesn't revolve around "cool";  it revolves around eternity.  I thank God for that. 

 

I have learned this past year to listen for His voice, for His leading in just about everything, and in this New Year I would wish the same for you.  I pray each day that He increases in our family, and that we would decrease;  the smaller we are, the BIGGER He is, and I love that. 

 

In Matthew 6:33 Jesus says this, "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all of these will be given to you as well..."  When we put Him first, and seek Him with all of our heart everything else fades, and we are filled when we realize that we know, and are known by the only One who's opinion of us matters at all.. 

 

Downsize...because love grows best in little houses;  let His love increase in your life, and begin to feel fullness the likes of which you have never felt before.   

 

 

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."  Proverbs 18:24

More of You

I used to live in the shadows of God's glory.  I used to sit in a corner and observe His work in the lives of people around me;  I desired Him, and I've always believed in Him, but I never really knew Him until this year. 
Until this year I used be jealous of people who were so obviously full of His Spirit;  the overwhelming joy that some people find in Him was lost on me, and frankly it was a bit grating to my own wavering spirit.  I was envious, and annoyed at the same time;  I knew that I was missing a key component of this "Christian" thing, but it seemed altogether unobtainable to me.  I lived in the world, and only once in a while would I step into His Presence.  Convenience ruled my schedule; I gave the world my best, and I gave God the leftovers.  The problem was I knew that it was wrong, I knew that there was more to the Christian life than what I was experiencing, but I was too self-centered and lazy to try. 

God got a hold of me this year.  He opened my eyes and He showed me that there is, indeed, so much more to life when we choose to put Him at the center. 

When I think of the jealousy, and truly, the contempt that I used to feel towards those I deemed "good Christians", I am ashamed.  God doesn't ask me to compare myself to others, and He tells me not to covet what other's have.  His word tells me that He will provide for all of my needs, and all I have to do is ask, trust, believe, and commit my way to Him. 

The catch is that satan tells us lies all the time;  he is the King of Lies.  He likes to whisper in our ears, "You deserve better than that...", "You'll never been good enough...", "They are all just hypocrites;  don't waste your time...", etc, etc.  He will say anything to get you to give up, to get you to be jealous and full of contempt, and he will say whatever it takes to turn you away from the One who loves you more than anything, the One who's love for you is everlasting and unwavering.  He will say anything to turn you into what he wants you to be, not what God longs for you to be. 

Satan used to tell me that I was just not blessed with the ability to be a "good Christian",  he used to tell me that I could fake it and I could settle for mediocre, and that joy just wasn't my thing.  Lies, all lies. 

In Romans 7:21-25 Paul says this, "So I find this law at work:  When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.  For in my inner being I delight in God's law, but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.  What a wretched man I am!  Who will rescue me from this body of death?  Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!" 

The law of sin and the lies of satan are powerful, but truly, Jesus can rescue us from them. 

So how do we do that?  How do we overcome the cycle of lies, and free our feet from the ties of this world?  It starts with an intentional choice.  It is a choice to not listen to the lies, and to not give in no matter what;  it's a choice to cling to God's truth even when it seems impossible, or out of our reach. 

Next comes a choice to give your time to Him.  This a choice to surrender your time, your agenda, and your heart to Him.  This is not easy, but when you commit to it, your life will change.  If you want to really know God, and to really grasp the life He wants for you, surrender is essential. 

Many people start things with good intentions and then fizzle out as life gets crazy and as obligations pop up;  be sure of this:  when you choose to give your time to God, satan will do everything he can to take it back and to dissuade you from sticking to it.  I daily pray for God's protection over my time with Him;  I pray for His Spirit to guard my mind against the attacks of satan during prayer, and I pray that my children will be content to not interrupt me while I have my time with Him. 

Getting on track with any relationship, including your relationship with God, requires you to invest time, energy, and attention to that other person.  What has worked for me has been a reading schedule for my bible;  it has giving me a structure to follow, a checklist of sorts; when I cross off the chapters as I read them I am more and more motivated to get through them all.  The more read, the more I learn about God;  the more I learn about Him, the more I love Him.  I find that reading my bible naturally leads to prayer.  As the Word of God fills my heart and my head I enter into conversation with Him, and in that time I grow closer to Him, and my thirst for more of Him gets stronger and stronger. 
The next thing that happens is that I commit everything to Him.  I understand that He is All Powerful, All Loving, and All Seeing;  He provides for my every need, and I lack nothing when I am in His Presence.  I have found that joy in Him is within reach, and  is more that easily obtainable when I take the focus off of myself, and off of my circumstances, and just try. 

It is obtainable for you too.  If you've ever listened to the lies of the evil one, or if you just could never quite figure out how to step fully out of the world and into His Presence here is it:

1. Commit to reading the bible everyday...don't waver, don't give up.

2. Pray...for protection over your mind, your time, your focus, and against the lies that satan will tell you.

3. Commit your way to the Lord...surrender it all, and pray for strength to cling to His truth.  Believe fully that with Him all things are possible.

4.  Lastly, humble yourself before Him.  James 4:10 says, "Humble yourself before the Lord, and He will lift you up." 

Do you want a full life?  A life free of jealousy, and anger over what others have that you want?  Humble yourself before His throne...and God will provide for you. 


This song has become one of my favorites recently.  We are in this world to shine for Him;  God calls us to be His light, so don't let Satan tell you otherwise.  We are the light; He is the light.  Don't sit in the shadows, step into His Glory.

 

God desires to have you...all of you.  He is jealous for you;  He wants to fill you with His joy.  Let Him.  Don't settle for mediocre;  jump full on into the life He has for you, and bask in the joy that only He can give;  the joy that is blind to the circumstances this life throws at us.  In Him there is no fear;  in Him we are made complete. 

Pray diligently for more of Him in your life, and do everything you can to protect yourself from the king of liars, the evil one of this world.  You are worth so much more than you can imagine to the One who died for you;  don't give in and don't give up.  The evidence of His grace in your life is everywhere;  open your eyes to it, and give thanks to Him. 

Satan seeks to make you feel like your life is worthless, but cling to this:  God made us for more than this world.  The scriptures say, "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." 
If you are telling yourself there's no point, that true life in Christ is unobtainable for you...wake up!  Those are the lies of the evil one, and you were made for more than that. 

Can I Get a Witness?

My heart has been rejoicing lately.  God has been teaching me the true power of prayer, and as I meditate of Him, and His answers to my heart's desires I cannot help but to be overcome with peace and joy. 

Psalm 28: 7 says this, "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.  My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song."

Psalm 30: 11-12 say this, "You turned my wailing into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give You thanks forever."

Psalm 34: 1-3 say this, "I will extol the Lord at all times; His praise will always be on my lips.  My soul will boast in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.  Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt His name together!"

I desire to worship Him, to rejoice in Him, and to glorify Him.  Will you join me? 
Will you testify to the power of prayer, and of His grace, faithfulness, and mercy in your life? 

Give thanks to Him! 

Please leave a comment and let's lift His name higher as we testify to His goodness and glory...



Thank you Father that You have met each of my needs as You have restored our family, and have let Your love and mercy rest on our home. 

Facing the Giant

Whenever someone asks me about my husband's job, or his schedule, my answer is almost always followed by them saying, "How do you do that?", or "I could never do that!", or "You must be such a strong woman!", or "That must be so hard!"

My husband is away more than he's home;  it's just the way it is, and while there are days, or sometimes weeks, that are really difficult, somehow the kids and I make it through...one day at a time.  You see, God has an amazing way of giving us exactly what we need for each and every day.  Some days there is nothing left at the end of it, but His mercy is new every morning.  For forty years the Israelites awoke to manna from heaven to feed them, so too I awake each day with my fill to get me from sunrise to sunrise.  That's how I do it;  step by step with faith knowing that today, and only today, is what matters. 

I meet with a small group of military wives once a week while our husbands are away.  We've been focusing our discussions on the book of James, and for the past few weeks we've been really meditating on faith and deeds;  how the blending of our beliefs and actions attest to the faith we have in our Savior.  James 2:26 says, "As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead." 
This doesn't mean that without action we don't really have salvation;  it just means that without action we can't produce fruit, we can't sow seeds, and while we are still attached to the body, we're not much good to it. 

Throughout this discussion we started talking about examples of faith in the Bible.  A question was posed asking what man or woman of faith was our favorite example from the Word.  I was stumped for a while, and as the roll call of names started filing through my mind I thought, "How in the world can you pick just one???"  Reading Hebrews 11 alone you have more than a handful of amazing examples of faithful men and women to choose from.  I was bothered by having to pick one (not that I had to, but the question was out there, and I wanted to answer it), but then I realized that David kept coming to my mind. 

In Hebrews 11 David is listed among those the author "didn't have time to tell about...", but as faithful nonetheless.  Let me tell you what David means to me, and why he is the answer to my favorite example of faith as it applies to my life. 

David was a shepherd boy who was chosen by God and anointed by Samuel to one day become the king.  God had his hand on David from the beginning, and as David's life unfolds throughout scripture we see that he was very human, and very faithful.  I am amazed at David's heart of praise for God;  in the victories, in the midst of battles, and in the throes of sin and its consequences David's faith never wavered.  There were times that He felt God's face turn from him, but even then he held on and praised His Name.  I love it, but my favorite part of his story comes when he was just a boy. 

We tell our kids the Sunday School version of David and Goliath;  there's a cute little song about it, and there is a VeggieTales version of it where David is an asparagus and Goliath is a big pickle.  We down play it and over-talk it, but have you ever stopped to think of that little boy standing in front of that gigantic, fearsome man, preparing to fight to the death?  I know for me, I often don't think of these biblical figures as real flesh and blood people;  they are stories, and I am so far removed from that time in history that they almost seem like fairy tales, but they're not.  Those people in those stories were really;  they were just like you and me.  They had feelings and fears;  they loved and they despised.  They felt pain, they felt cold and heat, and they breathed in and breathed out the same as me and you. 

In 1 Samuel 16 we read of Samuel anointing David;  when Samuel was searching for God's chosen one (David) the Lord said to him, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him (speaking of David's older brother).  The Lord does not look at the things man looks at.  Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."  As soon as Samuel saw David he knew that David was "the one" despite his age or small size. 

A short while later the Philistines came to wage war on the Israelites;  the two armies occupied hillsides facing one another.  Imagine the tension that was building between these two;  the hatred, the waiting... 

The bible says Goliath was over nine feet tall;  he was clothed in armor from head to foot.  Goliath boldly paraded in front of the Israelites for forty days, and for forty days he tormented them.  They were at a standstill;  the Philistines knew no one could defeat Goliath.  They had it in the bag, and yet they waited, and waited.  The bible says that every morning the armies would line up and face each other; Goliath would step forward and Israel would cower.  Here was a people who God had protected and gone before over and over and over again, yet they still feared; they still didn't trust Him. 

Who would've known that on the fortieth day David would enter the camp?  When Samuel had anointed David the bible says in 1 Samuel 16:13 that, "from that day on the Spirit of the Lord came upon David in power."   With God's Spirit, David was bold in his actions, and he never doubted that he and his people were squarely in the palm of God's hand. 

David came to the camp that day to deliver food to the Israelites, and to check up on his brothers;  he was too young to join the army, and he had stayed home to tend to the sheep while his brothers were away.  He arrived just as the armies were lining up, and in his excitement he ran to the battles lines to see his brothers.  It was at that moment that Goliath appeared across the valley, and it was at that moment that the whole of the Israelite army ran in fear from this giant of a man.  As David set out to discover who this giant was and just why no one was willing to stand up to him, he found himself in the tent of King Saul:  "David said to Saul, 'Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him.'  Saul replied, 'You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a boy, and he has been a fighting man from his youth.' But David said to Saul,'....the Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear (while tending sheep) will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.'"

David, small as he was, was confident that God would deliver him;  while grown men cowered, this young boy stood up.

Saul tried to clothe David in armor, and respectfully David declined;  he took his shepherd's staff, a sling and five little stones, and stood before Goliath.  Goliath taunted him, dismissed him, and threatened to feed his flesh to the birds.  David stood his ground.  I imagine in that moment he had fluttering inside of him. I think of the father in Mark chapter 9 who said to Jesus, "I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!"  David trusted in the one true God, but he was a human boy with human feelings;  he wasn't a fairy tale character devoid of emotion yet he stood there boldly with God by his side. God gave him the power and the belief to overcome fear. Seeing David's boldness Goliath was enraged; in his fury he started to run towards David.  David took one stone, put it in his sling, heaved it at the giant, and killed him.  He didn't have armor, he didn't have a sword, he didn't have an army with shields and weapons of every kind backing him up;  he had a stone, a sling, and the God of Israel on his side...that's it. 

I love David;  I love that when everyone else cowered away he stood up and fought.  He was just boy, but God's spirit was with him, and with that nothing was impossible for him. 

My friends and I are facing a giant right now.  In just a few weeks our husbands will leave on an extended deployment.  What that means is that the usual six month deployments that we are used to is not what we're facing.  We're looking at about 9 months without our husbands;  while our community has it "easy" compared to some in the military, that's still an incredibly long time to be away from your loved one;  that's still an incredibly long time for 3 little boys to be missing their daddy.  It's a giant, and it's standing there before us just waiting...  We're at a stand still; when our husbands return home next week we will have a short reprieve before we step across that valley and come face to face with the inevitable. 

On my own I'm not strong enough, but the Holy Spirit is with me in power, and though I'm small and I'm weak He is more than strong enough to walk me (and all of my friends and our husbands) through each and every day that we are apart. 
That's my giant; it's glaring, it's taunting, and it's not going away until we deal with it head on.  That's the way giants are;  they're ugly, they're fearsome, and they'll overcome you if you let them. 

Are you facing a giant right now?  Are you confident with where you stand?  Is your faith strong enough to enable you to step forward when everyone else steps back?  Do you trust that each day God will provide you with at you need? 
If not, check yourself, get on your knees and have a conversation your Savior; He is the giver of strength. You may not have an army who's got your back, you may be alone as you stand before your Goliath, and on your own you may be completely under equipped to fight any battle, but when you put your complete trust and faith in the one true God, and step out to fight the fight He has called you to...it's in the bag.  Face your giant with the boldness that comes from your God who's power is made perfect in your weakness. 

You are my King and my God,

who decrees victories for Jacob.

Through you we push back our enemies;

through your name we trample our foes.

I do not trust my bow,

my sword does not bring me victory;

but you give us victory over our enemies,

you put our adversaries to shame.

In God we make our boast all day long,

and we will praise your name forever.

Psalm 44:4-8

Psalm 42

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

When can I go and meet with God?

My tears have been my food day and night,

while men say to me all day long,

"Where is your God?"

These things I remember as I pour out my soul:

how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God,

with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng.

 

Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise Him,

my Savior and my God.

 

My soul is downcast within me;

therefore I will remember you from the land of Jordan,

the heights of Hermon - from Mount Mizar.

Deeps calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls;

all your waves and breakers have swept over me.

 

By day the Lord directs his love,

at night his song is with me -

a prayer to the God of my life.

 

I say to God my Rock,

"Why have you forgotten me?

Why must I go about mourning,

oppressed by the enemy?"

My bones suffer mortal agony and my foes taunt me,

saying to me all day long,

"Where is your God?"

 

Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise Him,

my Savior and my God.

Obedience

Before I had children, I was the kind of person who would judge those who did have children. I would look at those moms with their screaming, out of control kids and think, "My child will never...(fill in the blank).." Even after we had our oldest son, I still had those thoughts because he was so easy, and I honestly couldn't understand why some mothers just couldn't handle it.
God has a way of breaking us in our judgments, and I learned a big lesson when Micah was born. I have talked about Micah's unique personality in earlier posts, but here's the recap: he was the most difficult child to ever grace this earth (in my biased opinion). When God blesses us with stubborn, strong-willed children all of our judgment of others flies out the window, and we are left wrestling a screaming, thrashing child as we silently pray for God to deliver us from whatever situation we are facing at that moment.
When Micah was younger I left so many places with him tucked under my arm, screaming away; many times tears where rolling down my cheeks as time after time my strength was tested both physically and emotionally. I never gave up trying to do fun things, but more often than not we spent our days at home having left a friend's house or the park early because of a meltdown.
That was the way I chose to handle it; when he melted down down, we picked up and left...there was no reward of the park, or playing with friends if there was disobedience. Did that mean that my older son and I missed out on some things? Yes, but that's what it took to teach Micah, so that's what we did.
As time passed, Micah learned that the good things disappeared when his behavior was bad, and slowly, we were able to do more and more outside of our home. Today, he is an amazing boy, still stubborn and still loud, but kind and generous with his love and encouragement; there are days you can find him sitting in his bed pouting because he lost control of himself and is in time out, but overall he has learned that rewards come when he is obedient.
The journey was long, but the boy that he is today proves that the sacrifices, the tears, and my trusting in God's peace and patience was well worth it.
 
My journey through Leviticus is winding down, and this morning as I started on chapter 26 I knew that I would have to share it with you. The title of the first part of the chapter is "Reward for Obedience". I loved it, and I am continually amazed at what God is teaching me about himself through His word.
 
 

"Do not make idols or set up an image or a sacred stone for yourselves, and do not place a carved stone in your land to bow down before it. I am the Lord, your God.

Observe my Sabbaths and have reverence for my sanctuary. I am the Lord.

If you follow my decrees and are careful to obey my commands, I will send you rain in its season, and the ground will yield its crops and the tress of the field their fruit. Your threshing will continue until grape harvest and the grape harvest will continue until planting, and you will eat all the food you want and live in safety in your land.

I will grant peace in the land, and you will lie down and no one will make you afraid. I will remove savage beasts from the land, and the sword will not pass through you country. You will pursue your enemies, and they will fall by the sword before you. Five of you will chase a hundred, and a hundred of you will chase ten thousand, and your enemies will fall by the sword before you.

I will look on you with favor and make you fruitful and increase your numbers, and I will keep my covenant with you. You will still be eating last year's harvest when you will have to move it out to make room for the new. I will put my dwelling place among you, and I will not abhor you. I will walk among you and be your God, and you will be my people. I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high."

 
So what does that have to do with us or my strong-willed child? God spoke these words to the Israelites, and they were very literal; when they obeyed Him he sent rain, He fought battles for them, the fruit of their trees and the crops in their fields were abundant. God rescued them from slavery in Egypt and literally broke them free from their bars; they were His people whom He called to live for Him within the frame work of His laws.

Because God can see the big picture at all times, there should be no surprise that He spoke these words for us as well. Many of us don't build alters and bow down to stones, but we do have idols, don't we? We don't always respect His church and we've allowed our sinful nature to invade our worship of Him...we do these things, and more; we struggle within ourselves between this world and His word...we all do.  We break his commandments time after time after time… But...if we choose Him, if we take our stand in this world for His glory, He promises to bring rain when we need it, and He promises that our lives will be fruitful, and that He will give us more than enough to meet our needs. Following Him doesn't mean we won't face trouble in this world, but when we obey His commands He will go before us and fight the battles that are impossible for us to fight on our own. When we chose Him, He dwells in us; as our obedience increases His presence in our life increases. We will never be empty; we will all have our fill when we choose Him. I love, I love, I love the last part of verse 12: "I broke the bars of your yoke, and enabled you to walk with heads held high." That's what Jesus did for us. He broke our bond with sin; we are no longer slaves of this world, and we can walk with our heads held high praising Him and giving glory to Him through every blessing and every trial because it all works together for our good when we choose Him.
 
There is punishment for disobedience; there is separation from His goodness when we choose to turn from Him. Chapter 26 goes on to talk about this, and about what that looked like in the lives of the Israelites; the punishment is the direct opposite of the rewards, but here's the good part: it says that if we confess our sins He will remember the covenant He has made with us.  There will be consequences of our sin, but because of Jesus, and through His death and resurrection, our punishment has been paid. Consequences can be difficult, and confession is so hard to do sometimes, but we will miss out on His blessing if we choose disobedience.  He promises to love us and forgive us, and little by little when we begin to choose Him again we can start to see His rewards, and see that He is good.
 
We are all strong-willed, stubborn children at times; we all kick and scream and fight with the Father who loves us so much. We want our way, and we want it on our own terms; little by little we learn that life just doesn't work that way. We are called, just like little children, to a life of obedience; many of us learn the consequences of disobedience over and over again, but God calls to us and says, "Choose Me! ... My yoke is easy, and burden is light!" With Him we can hold our heads up high, knowing that He dwells with us, and that we are more than conquerors with Him by our side. 

As I think back on the early years of hardship, training and raising Micah, I see myself as a child of God.  I’ve been stubborn,  and I have turned from Him in the past;  in those moments the lessons were hard, and the reward was not there.  Choosing Him is a choice, and the more we buck His commandments, the farther we get from Him; choosing the world is deliberately not choosing Him. 
 
I was thinking about how this lesson can be applied individually and collectively in our lives.  It really speaks to every level of life.  God is the Maker and Creator of all; individually we are to choose Him, as families we are to choose Him, and as a nation we are to choose Him.  Disobedience on any level has consequences for us all.  I am so saddened by the condition of our nation…a nation who at its core was founded on Biblical principles.  That’s another blog for another day, but as our leaders kick and scream and turn their faces from our Creator in the name of protecting rights that were made up by men and abhorred by our Lord, we shouldn’t be surprised that the reward has left us, and that we are missing out on the great blessings that are set aside for those that choose Him. 
 
If we choose obedience as individuals, maybe we can start to change the disobedience in our nation, and maybe, just maybe, as our obedience increases His presence will increase as well. 
 
 

 

It's Friday...

Our church showed this video this morning...

I think it is pretty powerful and wanted to share it. 

No matter what you are facing right now, and no matter how hopeless some things in our world may seem, remember that Sunday is coming...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes when my words fail me, I look to those who have gone before...

"But amid all my sorrows, disappointments, losses, and crosses I have felt that I had a God to go to who has supported me out of His inexhaustable fullness, and His good Spirit has caused my mind to soar above all the waves of trouble in this transitory world, and with faith to view that glorious land of rest beyond this valley of tears." 

Eleazer Sherman 1821

Remember that this life is a journey; though heartache and trouble can threaten to destroy us, as believers we can rise above it all with faith that there is more to life than what we can see.  Turn to God in everything, and He will help you "to soar above all the waves of trouble in this transitory world";  He will give you a new outlook...a heavenly perspective. 

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.

For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:18

Wait for it...

Every morning I start the day by pulling up the shades in my bedroom and looking out over my little garden.  I previously wrote about the sunflowers I planted by our picket fence;  one of my tiny seeds has now grown into an eight foot tall, magnificent stem with a gigantic flower just waiting to burst forth.  Some of the other stems are smaller, but just as amazing to me.  I look eagerly each day to see if it might be the day those glorious, golden petals open up.  This is what I saw today...

One of the biggest lessons I have learned in my short gardening experience is that it takes patience.  Things don't happen immediately, but every little leaf that grows, and every little flower that is produced is a miracle; they are a piece in accomplishing the bigger picture.  My little sprouts that started off with two tiny leaves, are now on the verge of becoming what they were always meant to be. 

I received a letter recently from a man fifty years my senior.  I have never met this man, but what he wrote me was a letter of encouragement to spur me on to become exactly what God desires for me to be.  The gentleman who wrote it is incredibly intelligent, wise, and very accomplished in both the field of education and religion; I am flattered that he has read anything that I have written, and I am honored to be able to learn more about God's character from him.  I wanted to share part of what he wrote to me with you;  it is a beautiful description of God's timing, and as I marvel at my sunflowers, and as I reflect on the fact that everything happens in His perfect time, these words stick with me each day, and they have blessed me tremendously.

Once I uncovered a definition of prayer that stayed with me: By prayer God disposes us in time to receive what He had planned to give us from all eternity.  To many people, that idea looks foolish and even cowardly, but to those who are willing to surrender and wait God emerges as silently and explosively as the sunrise.

 

 

 

I love the imagery of God emerging both silently and explosively at the same time;  something wells up inside of me and brings me to verge of tears as I reflect on what that has looked like in my own life.   

Looking at my sunflower today with it's one little golden petal sticking up, and seeing the rest just waiting for the perfect time to pop open, I saw my life as a child of God.  Slowly he grows us, teaches us,  and clothes us with wisdom.  Slowly, when we are faithful to Him, He reveals Himself; silently divulging one petal at a time until suddenly there we are...gazing upon our Creator in all of His glory, and in that moment we discover who we were meant to be all along. 

 

God's timing is perfect, and as imperfect beings we sometimes get impatient with His schedule, but when we intentionally choose Him, and when we sit back and wait for Him to emerge, He shows us His beauty and enables us, as believers, to reflect that beauty to the rest of the world. 

 

Every leaf is a miracle, and every petal is a part of the bigger picture;  silently and explosively God appears when we surrender and put our faith in Him...just wait for it...

 

 

 

I am still confident of this:  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. 

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:13-14

The To-Dos, and the Must-Do...

My to-do list is quite long right now, and every day it keeps getting longer. School activities, housework, play dates, etc., etc. The list literally never ends; as it evolves and multiplies I accomplish one thing, and then add five more. Life is busy, and the more we allow it to be busy, the busier it will get. We can add so much to our day, and we can fill every little unit of time until we don't even know who we are anymore; we can become defined by our so called "commitments".

I have had no time lately to sit, relax, and enjoy the life God has given me. I'm a mom with three busy boys, I have a husband who's schedule is insanely unpredictable right now, and I have the responsibility of running a house, managing everything that comes in and goes out, and maintaining some sort of order in the chaos of it all. I have had no time in the last week and a half to spend worshiping, growing, and furthering my relationship with my Savior. This morning as I was reading my bible (something I admittedly haven't done in a few days), I felt the conviction of the Holy Spirit on my heart.

I am still working my way through Leviticus, and while most of it is proving to be slightly dull, I find that I'm learning quite a bit about God's nature through it all. Leviticus is basically a guide book that was given to Moses regarding God's laws for the Israelites; it lays out, in much detail, how the Israelites were to rightly live for God, the role of the priests, the rules of the temple, and the rituals of sacrifice, etc. God is holy, and therefore when His people came to Him they were required to do it in a certain way.

What is jumping out to me about it all is that everything was so intentional, so orderly; every ritual, sacrifice, and cleansing took time, and it was all for the purpose of staying right in the sight of God, to live according to His will. Following God's law required that the Israelites took their time and gave the best of what God had given them back to Him.

As I said in my last post, we aren't required to sacrifice animals as atonement for our sins anymore; we don't have priests that declare us clean or unclean; we have Jesus Christ who became the ultimate and permanent sacrifice for our sins. When we believe in Him, in His crucifixion and resurrection, when we put our faith in Him, and when we confess our sins and lay them at the foot of the cross, His blood covers over them; we are clean in God's eyes when through Christ's blood we are forgiven. We don't have sacrifice rituals, and we don't have a curtain that separates us from God; we can come before Him at any time, we can approach His throne, and we can commune with Him in a very deep and spiritual way, but we need to give back to Him the best of what He has given to us. He requires our time; relationship with Him takes an investment on our part. I love that about Leviticus; I am in awe of the purposefulness of God's people. God required holiness from unholy humans, and He gave them very practical, very detailed ways of approaching Him. Wow... I'm wondering why today when we have a Savior and a God who are so accessible to us on a day to day basis we turn our backs on them. Why is it that the freedom we've inherited through the blood shed on the cross is something we so easily give away to the world instead of to Him? God longs for relationship with His creation, His children made in His likeness; He longs for it so much that He sacrificed His Son to give us a way to freely come to Him.

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends (John 15:13). God laid down the life of His one and only Son, and whoever simply believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).

He gave everything to bridge the gap, and to allow us to approach Him and live for Him; in return He asks for faith, and for time to grow us, mold us, and use us for His glory. Is that so hard?

As I sit here typing, the roll call of to-dos are making laps through my mind, but my one and only "must do" is coming first right now. In Matthew 22:37 Jesus says that the greatest commandment is this: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." That's it, the first and greatest commandment, everything else can wait while you figure out how to do exactly that. It will take your time, and the best of what you have, but in return you'll gain peace and the wisdom to handle all of the other "to-dos". I'm not sure why I keep having to learn this lesson over and over again, but each time it rings truer and truer.

Are you giving back to God the best that He has given to you? Do you give Him priority, or do you just squeeze Him in when you can? I challenge you to put Him first, and to trust Him completely with your time, your energy, and your attention. When you do that, when you intentionally and purposefully serve Him, you will be blessed in ways you can't even begin to imagine.

 

 

An Aroma Pleasing to the Lord

We have had a busy few weeks in our house; my husband is home for a short time, the kids have gotten into a routine at school, and I am figuring out a new nap and eating schedule with the little man. I have been consistent in my quiet times, in reading the bible, but finding time to really dig deep, meditate on it, and write about it has been tough.

This morning my routine was a bit off, and what I would  have normally done during breakfast time I am just now getting around to at lunch time. I knew that I had to make time to spend in the Word, so I forced myself (yes, forced because some days are just like that...) to sit down with my bible and my reading guide; I was reluctant because really I have so many things I could be doing right now. I'm in the middle of painting our living room, there are dishes in the sink, laundry that needs to be folded, a bathroom that really should be cleaned, and on top of it all my body is fighting some sort of bug that causes really bad headaches and a slight fever. I had a ton of excuses why I couldn't make time for God today; life so easily fills every moment, and it is amazing how quickly we can put Him on the back burner.

I opened up the reading guide hoping for something easy; a psalm or two would be great today. It wasn't a psalm though; what I saw on my list was Leviticus 1-2. Seriously? I've never read Leviticus, and truthfully I didn't want to start this morning, but I'm a rule follower and though I know, technically, I don't have to follow my guide, I choose to follow it each day, and today was no different.

The end of the introduction of Leviticus in my bible says this, "As you read this book, some of it may seem dull and boring. But think about how holy God is, how He wants you to serve Him in every part of your life and in all you do."
When a book is described as "dull and boring" do you really want to read it? Of course not, but what struck me is that it challenged me to think about how God wants me to serve Him in everything I do. You see, that has been my prayer recently; I want to obey and follow Him in every situation. I want to walk in His will, and be pleasing to Him; glorifying Him in everything I do.

Huh. With an open mind I started to read...

The first several chapters of the book are dedicated to the instructions God gave Moses regarding offerings; true to my guide I only read the first two chapters, but He is already speaking to me, and showing me that I can still learn even when something is deemed "dull and boring".

The offerings the Israelites brought to God were made on the alter in the temple. At the end of every description of the way the offering should be prepared Moses writes these words, "...an offering made by fire, an aroma pleasing to the Lord."
In the first two chapters alone Moses writes six times about this "aroma" that is "pleasing to the Lord"; when something is repeated in the bible several times, I have to think it's because it is an important point.
 Some may say that Leviticus wasn't written for our modern world, that we don't offer burnt sacrifices anymore. It is true that as Christians today we don't sacrifice animals on an alter to God, we don't have to offer "fine flour" and oil and incense because Christ came, and He became the ultimate sacrifice by dying on the cross. We are free because He became "the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!" (John 1:29). We don't physically kill something as a sacrifice to God anymore, but we can still produce "an aroma pleasing to the Lord."

Every time we lay down our struggles, our burdens, worries, temptations, weaknesses, sin nature, fears, humanness, etc., etc., at the foot of the cross, and every time we choose to obey, and choose to follow His leading no matter what the cost to our social, financial, physical life, etc., we are offering up to God a pleasing aroma. When we take the best of what we have, the first and greatest blessings God has given us, and when we lay them at His feet and raise our hands in offering to Him; when we ask Jesus to cover our sins with His blood, we are "an aroma pleasing to the Lord".

I didn't want to make time for God this morning, but I needed to; when we sacrifice our own desires, and give to God our time, He is pleased. When you chose to make time in your day to keep Him as your priority, He is pleased. When you take what you have, or what you think is important, and give it all to Him, He is pleased. When you die to yourself, your selfishness, and say, "God use me", you have become "an aroma pleasing to Him".

God doesn't ask us for burnt offerings, but He does ask us for our hearts, for our talents, for our time, and for our obedience.
I think my prayer has now become, "make me an aroma pleasing to You."

Next time you open your bible, don't discount Leviticus or some of the other books that may be considered "dull and boring";   God can, and does, speak through each one of them. 

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword...”  Hebrews 4:12

 

Faith and Religion

A few years ago a good friend asked me if I could explain to her the difference between faith and religion. As I look back on that time now, I find that I am extremely disappointed with where I was in my faith. When she asked me that question, I wasn't able to answer her honestly; I gave her a cd of a sermon I had heard on the subject and that was the end of it. I love this friend very much, yet I have never once asked her what her convictions are, if she believes in God, or what she thinks will happen when she dies. Back then, I had religion and I went to church every Sunday, but my faith was lacking; it was something I kept to myself. Today my faith is something deep and true, it's something I'm excited to share, and I'm finally ready to give an answer to her very important question.

When I hear the word "religion" I think of stiff traditions; I think of doing things just to do them because they've always been done. I also think of rituals, and needing to perform them because somehow you think they will get you closer to God. For me personally, religion is thinking you can follow enough rules, go to enough church services, and check enough boxes in hopes that you will you pass some sort of test. Religion on its own means absolutely nothing; religion apart from faith is empty.

Religion is not necessarily a bad thing, but when rituals take the place of relationship, it is not beneficial. I go to church every week; I enjoy the fellowship and truly, I need it. Worshiping God in the presence of other believers keeps me accountable, it's a "spiritual checkup" of sorts for me, and I long for those precious hours in that sanctuary each week. Church is not what saves me though; baptism, though I have been baptized does not guarantee that I will be accepted into heaven; sharing in communion does not cleanse me from my sin. These traditions are things we do as an outward testament and remembrance of our Lord, but in and of themselves they are not necessary. What is necessary is faith, and yes, it is true that through faith you will most likely enter into some traditions, faith in Jesus is the pivotal key; apart from that, nothing else matters.

What is faith? To me, faith is relationship; it is becoming best friends with Jesus. Faith is believing in something, or someone you can't see. So how can you be best friends with someone you can't see? The beautiful mystery is that when you step out in faith, and put your trust in Him, His Spirit fills you, and you find that you don't have to physically see Him to truly feel Him. Faith is a choice I make each day. There are days that I fail miserably, but the big picture is that by faith I asked Jesus to save me, to free me from my sin, to forgive me, and to live in me as I live for Him. He is my Savior, and though religion will someday pass away, my faith in Jesus never will.

Faith will most certainly lead to action in my life; though works are not necessary for salvation, faith without action is not really faith at all (James 2:14). You see, when a believer truly lives a life of faith, it exudes into every part of their life; when you live by the Spirit and trust in His leading, you will find yourself doing works you never would have thought you would do. The thing we need to remember though is that no amount of action, works, or 'religion' will set us apart for eternity in heaven; salvation is a free gift, it is laden with love, and all that it requires is a heart willing to receive it (Ephesians 2:8-9).

God doesn't ask me to pray a specific prayer five times a day, he doesn't ask me to kneel in front of a statue, or to light a candle, and He doesn't tell me that, as a woman, I must wear a skirt instead of pants to worship Him... He just asks me to trust Him, to put my faith in Him, and to have a relationship with Him. He gave His life for me, for you, and for all who believe and trust in Him. It's a free gift open to all who are willing; are you willing?

Faith is the air that gets me through each day; that's how I describe it in my own life. Without religion I would get by, but without faith I would be lost; without faith there is death and more death, but with faith there is life and more life (Romans 6:23, James 1:12).

This world seeks to bring people down; wealth is empty, sin is rampant, and evil intent seeps through every crevice it can. What is true? Who is trustworthy? What is love? Forgiveness? Where is hope found? What is the meaning behind this life? What lies after death? Religion alone can't answer these questions. If you want to have peace, have trust, and find hope, turn to Jesus and begin a life of faith in Him.

My faith is in Jesus Christ, and the more time I spend with Him, talking, listening, and reading His word, the more His love pours out of me.

Life on this earth is fleeting and empty without faith, but the life of faith is rich, and full, and eternal.

Living by faith will fill you with hope and love; faith doesn't promise that life will be easy, in fact it may even be harder, but when you put your life in Jesus' hands He will bring you peace and see you through each and every trial.

Religion is temporary; faith and life in Jesus is eternal.

I've discovered something very important this year: If I truly believe that eternity is real, if I honestly believe in heaven and hell, and if I really am living a life of faith in Jesus, I have to share it. God has put people in my life for a reason, and in every relationship and every situation that comes my way, by faith I should exclaim who He is. I have failed to do that so many times in the past, and I will most likely fail here and there in the future, but as I grow closer to Him and as my faith gets stronger, His strength fills me and His voice within me is getting louder and louder. I want my friend to know that my faith is who I am, it really is what defines me; I'm not perfect, and I do fail, but in the end Jesus forgives my failures, He picks me up, dusts me off, and leads me forward.

What do you believe in? Where do you put your faith? Where is your hope found? Do you want to live a life of love? Do you believe there is more to this life than what you can see? Can you feel eternity in your heart?

Seek Jesus, and you will find the answers and the peace that your heart is longing for.

 

Giving Thanks for the Victories

It's a Monday night, I just got my kids in bed, and all is quiet in our house.  I'm exhausted from battling a cranky, napless 21 month old all afternoon, and I'm still a week away from seeing my husband again.  As I sit here, I have a feeling a peace washing over me;  God carried me through another day, and I am so thankful for that. 

Every once in a while at church I will hear something that sticks with me throughout the week;  it doesn't happen every week, but when it does it's like another little seed planted in my soul.  This week was one of those weeks.  Our pastor spoke on trust, and on how we are to "breathe spiritually";  we exhale all the impure air by confessing our sins as soon they happen, and we inhale God's spirit through faith.  I love that picture of breathing God in;  with each breath in we can be filled with Him, with each breath out we rid ourselves of unholiness.  When we trust in God and walk with Him, getting through trials in this life can be as easy as breathing;  it can be natural and automatic because there is a never-ending supply of His Spirit, and as Christians we need His Spirit in order to live. 

I really enjoyed the sermon, and as the pastor continued on and began to talk about how we should be prepared for conflict, he uttered these words, "If there are no battles, there will be no victories."  He said it so quickly in the course of his talk that it could have easily slipped through the cracks of my mind, but didn't, it stuck.  I thought about those words for a long time, and suddenly I started to thank God for the battles in my life because of this truth: the victories I have today would not have looked like victories if not for the battles I've come through. 

The biggest victory for me this year is that I still have a husband;  I am still in love with the man I married 11 years ago, and not only that but I love him more today that ever before!  Victory!  We have three amazing, healthy boys after we struggled for so long just trying to get pregnant, and after losing our first baby...there's victory in that!  We have a home, and my husband has a job when so many people at this point in time don't.  There are victories all around me, and though the battles can tough, we need to fight through them knowing that in end, with God by our side, victory will be ours! 

James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." 

I fell in love with that verse this week.  In light of my new view of battles, the fact that perseverance MUST finish it's work so that I can be mature and complete is simply amazing to me.  We must walk through trials so that His work can be completed in us,  and so that we will not "lack anything". 

Psalm 30:11-12 says, "You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.  O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever." 

My heart is singing tonight because of the victories I have through my walk with God;  though battles have threatened to destroy me, I have found victory in Him and I will not be silent! 

Are you clothed with joy because of  the victories in your life?  Even if you are in the midst of battle right now, look around and see His work in your life...give thanks and praise to Him who will never leave you! 

Give thanks for the victories, and live by faith, trusting in Him to see you through.